Two Mamas

A Song for Whitney

2012-02-12T20:07:00.000-08:00

I sing the kids songs every night before they go to bed. Skip and Zadie used to each pick a song and Zadie would always pick "Supercalifragilistic" and Skip would always pick "Row, Row, Row Your Boat." But since we put Charlie in the same room with them, I don't have nearly as much time for fiddling around with songs and special requests because if I dawdle in there he starts crying and wants me to hold him, so I have to make it quick.

In light of Whitney Houston's death yesterday, tonight I sang "The Greatest Love of All," or at least the parts of it that I remembered well. Sometimes I can hear Tori in the other room laughing at me because the fun part about singing for your kids is that you can really belt it out. There was a period of about two months when both Skip and Zadie kept requesting "Supercalifragilistic" and I was really sick of singing it. Then, out of the blue, one night Zadie requested "Tomorrow" and I was so excited that I think I actually inhabited the role. I'm pretty sure I nailed it because it came from somewhere deep inside of me.

If any of you have ever heard me sing, I'm sure you're skeptical. I've been told on multiple occasions that I am tone-deaf. But, again, the fun part of singing for your kids is that they have no clue one way or the other. In fact, I have the two older kids trained so that whenever I sing a song (about 10 times a day), they say, "Mommy, I like your singing!" And they're very earnest in their praise, I might add. Sometimes I ask who the better singer is, me or Tori, and they always pick me. My specialty is actually patriotic songs, like the national anthem and "America the Beautiful." But, in a pinch, I can also do Whitney Houston.

The Limitations of a Manny

2012-02-11T13:06:00.000-08:00

It's not weird enough to be one of the very few (only?) same sex couples in our town with kids. We're also the only people I know who have a male nanny, or "manny." Uncle Hank, Tori's brother, has been our nanny since Zadie was about six months old and has been extremely talented and resilient as we continue to pile more and more kids on him! I really respect Uncle Hank for his seemingly unending supply of patience (I've never seen him lose his temper or get frustrated), his creativity, and his willingness to play Legos with our kids for hours upon hours. We are extremely fortunate to have a manny who is not only a close family member, but also a gifted caregiver.

Having said all this, there are some limitations to having a manny. Just check out the above photo to see how he dressed our two boys. I came home from work and asked Tori if that was some kind of a joke. Why does he always try to match plaids with plaid? I think that's one of the first things you learn as a kid when you learn how to get dressed in the morning -- plaids never go with plaids.

But, despite his severe deficiencies in the wardrobe department, we are very fortunate to have Uncle Hank!

Today's Ruling on Gay Marriage

2012-02-07T19:51:00.000-08:00

Today the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled, by a 2-1 vote, that Prop 8 is unconstitutional. I had been waiting for the announcement of their ruling around 10am this morning and was very excited to hear the good news.

Two years ago, when a gay rights group first filed in federal court, it was very controversial among the LGBT community because filing in the federal courts means that the case may go all the way to the Supreme Court and many in the LGBT community did not feel we would have the votes to win, and a loss would be a terrible blow that would set the cause of gay marriage back many years (and possibly decades). As time has gone on and polling shows the majority of Americans now support gay marriage, I have felt more and more optimistic about this strategy. After today's ruling was announced, I even felt excited about the possibility that the Supreme Court would hear the case as early as next year. I'm sending positive vibes to Anthony Kennedy as I write this!

But now I'm reading that the very narrow ruling in this case means it may never reach the Supreme Court and, if it does, the Court would probably only issue another narrow ruling without national implications. While I appreciate the fact that my marriage is legal in the state of California and I hope that future same-sex Californians can marry again in this state, it's really the 1,138 federal rights of marriage that I'm after. I want to file my taxes jointly, I want Social Security benefits to carry on to my spouse if I die before her, and I want my marriage to still be valid when I leave the state of California. And, as a federal employee, I will soon start paying a hefty monthly sum because I'm married to a woman and not a man. When Tori gets laid off on March 2nd, she will have to purchase a health insurance plan out of pocket because the federal government does not recognize our relationship and I cannot include her on my family health plan. If the Supreme Court were to rule that marriage is a civil right, then the Defense of Marriage Act would end and I could save a couple of hundred bucks a month on Tori's health insurance. And then there's that whole human dignity thing that I thought today's ruling put so nicely:

Marriage is the name that society gives to the relationship that matters most between two adults. A rose by any other name may smell as sweet, but to the couple desiring to enter into a committed lifelong relationship, a marriage by the name of 'registered domestic partnership' does not.

Watch Out: Here Comes Politics & Current Events

2012-02-07T18:40:00.000-08:00

When I started this blog after Zadie was born (or, more specifically, when my sister started this blog for me), I really only wanted it to be an electronic baby book that documented Zadie's early years. Because of the ongoing culture wars in this country, I was worried about sharing too much about my personal life or my politics -- I didn't want to draw attacks from people critical of gay families. I'm mostly talking about attacks in the form of mean-spirited comments or other online criticism, but it's also true that I've been very careful about what I disclose on the blog with regards to our physical location and identities. I know it's a very remote possibility, and I'm happy to say that I feel it's more and more remote, but I felt so much hatred towards gay families in 2008 that I did worry a bit about some crazy person harming us. It felt like the best way to deal with all the negativity was to just share the photos and stories of our life as new parents (which weren't all that different from any other new parents).

Having said all this, I tend to post entries with an eye for what my kids might be interested in reading many years down the road. I would love to read what my parents were thinking about during some of the big events from my childhood, whether that was Jimmy Carter losing his re-election bid or even some pop culture event that I know nothing about. I can talk to them about these events now, but it's different to read a journal of what someone was thinking at the time.

So, with that in mind, I'm going to occasionally post stories about my thoughts on the news of the day. I think the only time I've done this in the past was my "Bittersweet" post when Obama won and Prop 8 passed. And maybe our legal wedding day here and here. Hopefully my few readers won't mind an occasional posting that doesn't involved photos of the kids!

Thank you, Southern California

2012-02-06T20:20:00.000-08:00

My parents invited us to a lovely RV camping trip at the Silver Strand State Beach in Coronado. That's them walking with the gaggle of kids.

Thank you, Southern California, for a perfect weekend. Sunny and warm weather at the beach in early February is pretty special. Sometimes I bemoan the cost of living here, but this weekend, Southern California, you really proved yourself to me. I think I heard someone on Facebook call it a "sunshine tax." Because of this tax, we cram three kids into one bedroom and live in a plain duplex with thin walls and a grumpy neighbor. But this weekend, at least, I was okay with that.

When I was younger, I thought people who let the weather affect their moods were kind of losers. I hardly paid attention to the weather because I was planning on having a great day regardless. I went to college in the "snow belt" of upstate New York and could never understand what people were complaining about with regards to grey skies and snow. When Tori and I lived in San Francisco, I used to get really frustrated about the fact that we basically spent our weekends chasing the sun in that most sun-deprived of all cities. She would call people in different neighborhoods and ask if the sun was shining or not and, if it was, we had to hop on a bus to try and soak it up before the fog rolled in.

I know people say parenting changes you, but I didn't think it would impact my feelings about the weather. Now I'm one of those people who actually reads the weather forecast in the paper. I enjoy my kids about 100 times more when they're outside and so I now really appreciate warm days when the kids can play outside or, ideally, when we can take them to the beach. I've gained a much greater appreciation for parents who live in cold areas because that is a whole other challenge that I'm unprepared to face. Major respect to parents in those cold climates!

Major Changes Ahead

2012-02-02T18:21:00.000-08:00

Peace Corps is a unique federal agency in that it limits staff members to only five consecutive years of employment, at which time their contract ends. On March 2nd, Tori will have spent five years working as a Peace Corps recruiter, during which time she ranked as the top recruiter in terms of total applicant nominations. I'm very proud of her for being such an enthusiastic and personable face of the Peace Corps and I will really miss working with her.

One week later, I will finish nearly four and a half years with Peace Corps and will move on to a new position as the public affairs officer for the National Park Service. I'm really excited about my new job and I can't imagine a position that I would be equally excited about, but I do admit that I have a lot of sadness about leaving the Peace Corps. I've been working for Peace Corps, either as a volunteer or a staff member, for 10 of the last 14 years. I love the agency and it's hard for me to imagine working anywhere else.

Though I probably wouldn't leave if it weren't for the five-year-rule, I know I will have lots of new and challenging experiences in my next job that will give me opportunities to grow professionally and personally. So it's kind of good to get kicked out the door, I suppose. One of the biggest changes will be adjusting to being an outsider instead of an insider. Again, lots of opportunities for growth and new learning. I'm excited to work on some meatier policy issues such as land use, development, and the environment that I've long been interested in but haven't worked on in a professional capacity.

On top of these professional changes, we'll also be moving to a new community AND Tori will start her new job as a stay-at-home mom. She has some trepidation about this change (I would personally have so much trepidation I might run for the hills), so she's continuing to keep her eyes open for another job that would be as family-friendly as our Peace Corps jobs have been. But, given the economy, this will be challenging and so she's easing into her stay-at-home momhood by spending the first two months in Costa Rica with Grandma Linda. This will give her the chance to have her mom's help and hopefully really get to connect with our kids in a fun and more stress-free environment (the beach!). More on that later.

As you can see, we've got some major changes ahead!

Top Ten Favorite Children's Books

2012-01-31T20:12:00.000-08:00

Before I had kids, I was really excited about reading books to my children. I still really like it and I'm always impressed at how much our kids actually want to read books. Zadie liked being read to from a very young age, but Charlie and Skip have both taken a bit longer (Charlie has only recently been capable of sitting through a book without throwing it or trying to rip the pages). I would guess that I average about three children's books per day, so over four years of parenting that would be more than 1,000 books!

Of course mostly I'm reading the same twenty books over and over again because the kids definitely have favorites. And, like them, I also have my favorites. It amazes me how big of a difference there is between a book that I really enjoy reading and the books that I dread reading.

So here are my very favorite children's books (that we own, at least), in no particular order:

1. Anything by Dr. Seuss, but especially There's a Wocket in my Pocket and The Cat in the Hat.

2. Parts and More Parts by Tedd Arnold.

3. You Read to Me, I'll Read to You by Mary Ann Hoberman

4. Harold and the Purple Crayon by Crockett Johnson

5. I'm Gonna Like Me by Jamie Lee Curtis and Laura Cornell

6. Santa's Kwanzaa by Garen Eileen Thomas (good when you're sick of all the other Christmas books!)

7. The Family Book and It's Okay to Be Different by Todd Parr

8. Little Miss Busy and the whole series by Roger Hargreaves

9. Moo, Baa, Lalala and anything else by Santa Boynton

10. Zin! Zin! Zin! a Violin by Lloyd Moss

Although I know they're popular I think I kind of dread reading Silverlicious and the Fancy Nancy books because I've read them so many times and I think the overly girly characters don't resonate with me -- and they're just too long! Tori's least favorite is the original Curious George books because she's very disturbed by how they portray life at the zoo as the most enviable fate for a monkey from the wild.

A Future Musician?

2012-01-29T20:50:00.000-08:00

Skip can play a pretty mean harmonica. Okay, it's not like he actually knows how to play a tune, but he really plays with intense passion.

In general, Skip's attention span is about 10 times shorter than Zadie's. Zadie can color or work on an independent project for hours, whereas Skip can only sit still for a limited amount of time, like when we're reading him a book or he's watching a program on the computer (and he often can't sit through a full 30-minute program). He's just an incredibly active and physical child who is most happy running, jumping, and wrestling.

The one area in which his attention span is significantly longer than Zadie's is when it comes to watching music. From a very young age, he's been completely transfixed by live music. When we were in the mountains with friends recently, we went to a pizza place with a bluegrass band. It ended up not being a very kid-friendly choice because there was a sign on the door that said "Music lovers only, please." We had six kids with us, so we sat outside in the patio, but Tori took Skip inside and the two of them stayed in there for 45 minutes, until she had to pull him out of there. I think the other guests were probably rolling their eyes when they saw a two-year-old boy come in the room, but Tori said many of them approached her to say how amazed with how perfectly still he sat, and how fun it was to watch him watching the show. One lady told Tori, "I can see his whole future right now. He's going to be a professional musician."

I don't know if that will be the case -- and, as his parent, I hope that he finds a suitable day job to pay the bills and not mooch off us! -- but I do think that he will have a very special interest and hopefully talent in music. And in this case, he will be very thankful that he does not have his mothers' genes.

Zadie's Birthday Weekend: Day Two

2012-01-29T20:13:00.000-08:00

Really like this photo of Zadie and Sophie, but I wish I had a good one of the three girls.

We told Zadie that today was her actual birthday, even though it's actually Tuesday, because we didn't want to celebrate a third day. She was pretty spoiled all day long, first and foremost by the fact that her cousins spent the night. We packed five kids into one room, with the three girls sleeping on the floor together and Skip and Charlie in their regular beds.

As soon as they woke up, we let them watch Zadie's favorite Pippi Longstocking movie, which is a very rare treat. They had a fun morning at the park and then they got to the BEACH. Yes, it was that beautiful and amazing today. I told Zadie she was really fortunate to have such a beautiful beach day in January. Zadie went pretty deep in the water and got her hair wet. Her cousins were a bit more tentative about the big waves (and the icy water), but all three had hours of fun playing in the sand and running around. It was a very beautiful moment.

Eventually we had to leave the beach and go to Aunt Susie's house for a family birthday party. Zadie had a surprise visit from my parents, which she was very excited about (wish I had a photo!). She was very fortunate to get many, many presents. I feel slightly disturbed by how many presents she received for her birthday, but I guess I should get over it.

Some of her favorite presents included a new scooter (from her moms), a new helmet and water sandals (from my parents), a piggy bank, jumper, and book/stuffed animal (from Grandma Linda), a M & M dispenser (from Aunt Katie), and a t-ball set (Aunt Susie). And I just realized that I forgot to give her the present from my sister. Oops!

Zadie's Birthday Weekend: Day One

2012-01-29T19:58:00.000-08:00

How we should all start the day: with a rainbow popsicle!

Getting her first mani/pedi.

This used to be a baby back rib. She enjoyed lemonade and cornbread.

I'm usually carrying Charlie, so Zadie got to be carried all over the place. This was right after the ferris wheel.

Thanks to Sidney for making a great cake with blue frosting, just like Zadie requested! (This is her cute new outfit from Grandma Linda)

Zadie had some very specific requests for her birthday. Instead of a party in the park, she wanted to have a few kids over and watch a movie projected onto the living room wall. More specifically, she requested that there be no little brothers or babies at her party. That's quite the insight into her everyday life.

So we obliged her and farmed out the two boys to some very kind friends and relatives while we took her to Long Beach for a fun day with her two moms. Although we each try hard to spend alone time with our kids, I don't think she's had time alone with both of her moms since before she was 17 months old and Skip arrived.

Per her request, we took her to get a popsicle and then her very first mani/pedi. She picked out the colors and felt quite pampered. Then we took her to lunch -- baby back ribs and cornbread! Lastly, we took her on the ferris wheel and for a haircut.

Then it was time to return home and get ready for Zadie's party. My sister called around this time and asked if I was stressed out about preparing for the party and I had to laugh because all we really did was clean the house and then throw on a movie. Tori made a casserole, Sidney brought a cake, and all was good. Some of the adults played Scrabble while it was happening. That was the really nice part of not having the younger kids there -- we could relax and let the older kids play together.

Oh, and an hour before the party started Zadie got a really wonderful surprise: her cousins Sophie and Izzy showed up for a sleepover! You really wouldn't believe how excited she was. It makes me sooo happy to see how excited she gets to spend time with those two. She had told us that she was really hoping to see Sophie and Izzy on her birthday and her wish came true.

Visit from a Lao Pengyou

2012-01-21T16:45:00.000-08:00

Me and Jenna on a nice January beach day.

Zadie and Lucy were nuts and went in the water!

My closest friends from the Peace Corps are Jenna and Erin. We were so tight during training that people called us "the tripod." Erin is living in Africa right now, but Jenna and I got to have a mini-reunion last week for six wonderful days. She might as well be in Africa considering how infrequently I see her, but she actually lives in what she calls the jewel of the Midwest...you know, Milwaukee?!
It was great to have Jenna staying with us because she definitely makes me laugh like few people do and this time was our first hanging out as full-blown parents. One time she came to visit when our two girls were just a few months old, but that wasn't really parenting. That's really just keeping your baby alive. Dealing with older kids and all their fighting and needs and negotiating -- now that's parenting. So it was the first time we've ever seen each other with our mom voices on. Not really a pretty sight, but it is what it is.

The really nice part about having Jenna here was that she brought her super positive attitude along with her. As I've written before, I am typically a very content and happy person, but parenting has challenged my optimism, I must admit. Enter Jenna. She's one of those people that is genuinely amused by her kids and loves babies (she kept calling Charlie a "squishy baby"). So it was nice to see our crazy household through her eyes because sometimes when people stay with us they (understandably) look like they're ready to run for the door.

While she was here, we had two nice beach visits with the kids (see photos above), two amazing Sichuan dinners (from the region where we lived in China), and a really invigorating trip to the mountains east of San Diego. My parents let us stay at their beautiful home and we also invited another couple and their kids. It was really wonderful time with our combined families.

Thank you, Jenna, for a great visit!
p.s. Lao pengyou means "old friend" in Chinese!

My Vacation from the Kids

2012-01-05T09:06:00.000-08:00

My very relaxing vacation spot!

I've noticed I take a bit more time off from my children than other moms I know, many of whom have never spent a night apart from their children, much less actually taken a vacation from them. Maybe part of it is because we have two moms in our household and so caregiving for the kids is divided differently. But I know that a significant part of this difference between me and other moms is because I probably require more adult time than other moms to keep me happy and healthy.

With this is mind, I arranged to spend three days in Austin with my aunt and uncle after Christmas. I wanted to give myself the gift of a mini-vacation before I start my next job (I'll write more about that later).

I can't describe how wonderful my trip was, on so many levels. First of all, I really enjoy my Aunt Dana and Uncle Mark and it was nice to have so many long and meaningful conversations with them (without kids interrupting me, I might add!). And of course Austin is a great place to visit, especially their amazing neighborhood.

I saw two live music performances at very small venues, and left with my first-ever New Year's resolution: to watch more live music in L.A. I also had some great meals, nice walks through the neighborhood, and lots and lots of down time. I had plenty of time to catch up on reading (I finished What Is the What about the Lost Boys of Sudan and started Bossypants), I watched a movie in bed during the middle of the day (can't remember the last time I did that!), and got caught up on my blog.

I'm lucky to have a wife who supports my need for adult time (as do my parents, who were watching Zadie during this time). And of course I'm thankful to my aunt and uncle for being such great hosts!

The Ranch Files: Zadie Wonders About the Afterlife

2011-12-31T13:05:00.000-08:00

Zadie and my dad at my Granddaddy Kirk's grave.

My mom with Zadie in front of the old ranch house, where my Great-Great-Uncle Arthur used to live.

Zadie got to stay a few extra days at the ranch with my parents, while Tori took the two boys home to L.A. and I (the clear victor in this arrangement) went to Austin for a few days of glorious adult time (more on that in a later post). Zadie loved all the special attention from her grandparents and they had a picnic in a deer blind one day and got to watch the wildlife from way up high in the sky (sitting very quietly so as not to scare off the animals).

But as they were leaving the ranch and heading to the airport, my parents took Zadie to Tilden's Hilltop Cemetery, where many of my relatives are buried. My Granddaddy Kirk, with whom I was extremely close, is buried there (see above photo of my dad and Zadie in front of his grave). When my dad told me that he took her to a cemetery, I asked whether this caused Zadie to ask a lot of questions. "It sure did," he said. From the cemetery to the airport (about an hour's drive), Zadie interrogated both of my parents about the afterlife.

What happens after people die? Why do people die? Why are they buried underground? Do they grow back? After all the people die, will there be any more people left? Am I going to die?

My dad said he tried to dodge some of these questions, but that Zadie was a very skilled interrogator. He tried to tell her that these were questions that she needed to be asking her moms. But, since she would not relent, he finally told her that no one is 100% sure what happens after someone dies, but that he believed the body died and the spirit continues living. When I got home a few days ago, one of the first things Zadie asked me when we were alone was, "What happens after people die? Granddaddy Hal said there's a spirit inside you that runs away."

As my dad said, "In retrospect, maybe taking her to a cemetery wasn't such a hot idea after all!"

The Ranch Files: Granddaddy Hal in Full Splendor

2011-12-30T08:00:00.000-08:00

My dad is really good with kids. He has no compulsion about being totally goofy and making a fool out of himself to entertain children. His most famous trick is "checking for bugs," which is when he finds imaginary bugs running all on kids' stomachs and under their arms and he tickles them while trying to kill the bugs. I've seen many a child make a request for a bug check. He also counts ribs to make sure there aren't any serious medical concerns, which is also a very ticklish experience.

This past week at the ranch, Granddaddy Hal was in full splendor. He must have taken the kids on 25 rides in the electric golf cart, full of all kinds of antics like launching attacks on the people at the campfire, singing songs, and starting and stopping.

In this video, Skip kept hiding a wooden snake in the bushes to try and scare my dad. My dad would then act really scared and scream. Unfortunately, this time Zadie cut the game short by telling my dad it was just a pretend snake, so this wasn't quite as extended of a performance by my dad. But you can get a little taste for how crazy he can be. Part of why I'm posting this is because I would love to have a video of my granddaddy playing with us as kids -- he also had some signature tricks (namely turning into a gorilla).

Granddaddy Hal & the Wooden Snake from Kate K. on Vimeo.

The Ranch Files: Christmas Day

2011-12-29T07:18:00.000-08:00

Sophie, Zadie, and Izzy showing off their Christmas presents (they also got the matching polka dot outfits).

As part of a Christmas Eve tradition that we've taken over from Tori's family, all the kids get to open one present on Christmas Eve and it's always pajamas. How cute are these five kids in their matching outfits?

My mom has a knack for making every occasion very special, so of course she wasn't going to let having Christmas at the ranch thousands of miles away from home, with limited provisions, stop her. Christmas morning she had the kids' stockings all laid out and everything wrapped neatly in tissue paper with names on everything. I did not inherit my mother's ability to present things beautifully and personally, but I'm certainly a beneficiary.

This Christmas, I think the very favorite gift was the cameras that the three girls received from Santa (my parents). The girls felt very important photographing their experience and I love the photo above with them showing off their new gifts. My mom also bought some fun musical instruments in the stockings for the kids. And each adult couple received a new iPad, so that was very exciting but I'm also a little embarrassed to write that because I feel so spoiled by my parents. I guess it's better to know you're spoiled, right?

Tori and I aren't real big on giving our kids lots of presents. We gave Skip and Zadie their own water bottle to put in their lunch for pre-school and also some arts and crafts to work on while they were at the ranch. Charlie, you didn't get diddly-squat from us, but you didn't seem to mind much!

The Ranch Files: Charlie Starts to Walk

2011-12-28T16:05:00.000-08:00

As I've previously written, I'm really excited for Charlie to learn to walk, and I have very high expectations for how our life is going to improve once that happens. Well, it hasn't fully happened yet, but he definitely did more walking at the ranch than he's ever done before. Maybe the fresh air inspired him to be more mobile.

This is a video of him taking a few steps. I love the sound of my Aunt Dana's Texan accent in the background saying, "Ride 'em, cowboy!"

Charlie Walks! from Kate K. on Vimeo.

The Ranch Files: Mud, Mesquite Thorns, & Campfires

2011-12-28T07:00:00.000-08:00

My nephew Austin driving my parents' electric golf cart, along with my other nephew Nick and also Tori -- and a slew of children!

Skip felt like the king of the world on this tractor.

Here's a glimpse of the muddy conditions. This is Zadie with her cousins Jonas and Max.

We just spent the past five or so days at the ranch in South Texas. This ranch has been in the family for 100+ years and, though I only visited a few times when I was a kid, it was very significant in my dad and granddaddy's childhoods. And it's very important to me that my kids get to spend time there not only because of the history but also because I want to have a place where they can run "wide open and sideways" (as my dad says) and also engage with nature. According to my naturalist uncle, South Texas is one of the best wildlife spots in all of the United States.

Tori said she thought that was baloney because she's now been there twice and hasn't seen much nature. It's in a very low rainfall area and is in the midst of a long-term drought, but somehow every time we visit it rains buckets, which means that Tori hasn't been able to see all the wildlife we've been talking about. The local government should pay us to vacation there just to help them out with their drought.

Lots of rain means serious mud, so our vacation was full of rubber boots, muddy clothes, and the constant battle of trying not to get your vehicle completely stuck in the mud (which happened numerous times). South Texas is also full of mesquite trees, which are great for more flavorful barbecue, but not so great for having around small children. Each of our kids had to have mesquite thorns removed, which made them a lot more careful about where they were walking.

This is the first part in a series of blog posts I'm going to do about our trip to the ranch.

Catching Up: Thanksgiving

2011-12-27T16:00:00.000-08:00

I fell behind on posting about Thanksgiving because I was waiting for a great photo, and now I have one! Tori's sister Katie is always responsible for getting a group shot and it's amazing that she manages to get all of us together and even knows how to use the timer function on her camera. Far beyond me.

We rotate holidays between my family and Tori's family, so this year we spent Thanksgiving with her family in Seattle. Her brother Zach has a big house with lots of room for our enormous group and her mom rented a 15-passenger van for all our adventures. Our adventures were cut a bit short by the fact that it rained most days, but we made the most of it. This photo was taken during a break in the rain, when we all scrambled to a beautiful park and played kickball (a family tradition).

It's fun to just take a few minutes to look at all the people in this photo. Now that is a big and crazy family!

Charlie is Officially Adopted!

2011-12-27T07:56:00.000-08:00

I'm happy to report that Charlie was officially adopted on Friday, December 16th. We've been eagerly anticipating this moment for a very long time. I'm fortunate to have a wife who is very talented at pursuing social workers and lawyers with her own personal blend of friendly stalkerism -- without her follow-up there's no way that this could have happened before the end of the year.

What does this mean? First and foremost, this means that Charlie is officially our child and no one can ever, ever take him away from us again. As they said in court, we have all the rights and responsibilities of parents and Charlie is due any inheritance as a "natural" child. Sorry about that last part, Charlie. Not sure how much help we'll be in that department.

It also means no more visits from social workers, no more paperwork, no more locking up all our knives, and no more smoke detectors (just kidding about that last one!!).

This tuxedo that Charlie was wearing was a hand-me-down from a friend and it happened to fit him perfectly. He was quite adorable in court, especially after they gave him his little teddy bear (all kids get teddy bears when they're adopted). The judge and other staff were quite smitten. And so are we!

Mom to the Rescue

2011-12-10T07:42:00.000-08:00

Five days ago I crashed my bike with poor little Charlie on it. Although I say "poor Charlie," actually the whole thing was his fault. We were going down a big hill and he was giggling with joy about the wind in his face and the whole experience. I was turned around smiling back at him and saying, "Woohoo!" Then I turned my eyes back to the road (where they should have been in the first place) and swerved to avoid a big pile of dry leaves and branches from our recent windstorm. The bike skidded out, and we crashed. So my point is that if Charlie hadn't have been such a cute, giggling ball of joy, the whole thing never would have happened.

In all seriousness, I learned my lesson and will be much more cautious in the future. Not only because I feel like a totally irresponsible parent and bike rider for crashing with my baby on the back, but also because I got five stitches above my eyebrow and lots of painful road rash and I've been a total wimp about the whole thing and don't want to ever go through this again. Charlie, I'm happy to report, is 100% fine and he was safely ensconced in his bike seat and helmet. It would have been MUCH worse if something bad had happened to him. Awful to think about.

Anyway, the point of this post is that my mom kindly offered to take all three kids for three whole days this week. It's true that the road rash on my hands makes taking care of the kids difficult -- and Tori basically has to take care of me and the three other kids -- but the truth is that we could have managed. Tori felt guilty about my mom taking all three, but I felt sorry for myself and decided to take her up on her offer.

So thank you, Mom, for juggling all three kids all by yourself (my dad was out of town). The kids had a great time and are anxious to return. And Tori and I got to go on two date nights and sleep in!

When Charlie Starts to Walk...

2011-12-09T19:21:00.001-08:00

I've always been pretty good at being content. I know some people who struggle to enjoy the moment since they're kind of preoccupied with the next thing, whether that's a new adventure or a new material good or a change in status. Unfortunately, since I've become a parent (of multiple children at least), I find myself guilty of the same compulsion. I often find myself looking forward to the next developmental stage because I like to imagine that life is going to be soooo much easier once I get to that next stage.

When Charlie was an extremely unhappy newborn, I was very focused on making it to three months because I had heard that's when all that colic-y stuff ends. As my dad would say, I was in "survival mode" to make it to that milestone. Turns out that crying stuff didn't go away until the six-month mark and when it did, life was definitely much easier but I quickly found something else to focus on. I remember one big milestone I was focused on was when we could transition him off the bottle. I thought that was going to be a big life-changer. I did a Facebook post about never washing another bottle again for the rest of my life.

But somehow I don't think that really changed much (it's not like you don't have to wash sippy cups!). My latest preoccupation is Charlie walking. This child is pushing 15 months and still not walking (although he has definitely taken steps and I need to catch it on video). It seems like I've been telling anyone who would listen for the past six months that as soon as Charlie starts walking, things will be a lot easier.

This time, I can't help but believe this is going to be a game-changer. First of all, he's really heavy. I think he weighs around 35 lbs and that's a lot of weight to be lugging around all the time. Secondly, he's really happy when he's playing with his siblings, but he gets sad when he gets left behind all the time because they're running around without him. I have a vision that involves my three children frolicking together, skipping around and running, just as happy as can be. When Charlie starts to walk, they'll be so happy playing together that there won't be any crying or fighting and there probably won't even be much need for parenting, really. I think I'll just sit at the kitchen table sipping my green tea and casually reading the newspaper while glancing up occasionally to watch them frolicking around in the yard.

It's gonna be great.

Adoption Court Date Set for Charlie!

2011-11-28T20:34:00.001-08:00

We're very happy to report that Charlie's adoption hearing has been scheduled for Friday, December 16th. As of that date, he will be officially ours!

I'm so thankful that my wife is talented at gently harassing all the social workers, lawyers, and assistants in the system to make this happen. We really wanted to get this paperwork completed by the end of the year (for a number of reasons) and it definitely wouldn't have happened without Tori's very frequent phone calls.

It's crazy to think that we lost custody of Charlie for a month. I just re-read the blog post that I wrote when we lost him and I feel a little embarrassed about how at terms we were with everything. It's kind of bizarre to understand my mindset at that time given how attached I am to him at this point. I think that, as much as I wanted to think otherwise, there is just a difference in how connected you can be to a child when you know that you may not get to keep him or her. It must be some kind of self-defense mechanism. We definitely experienced loss and sadness, but it did not debilitate us like I think some people thought it would. And, unfortunately, I feel like our experience losing Charlie for that month has turned a few prospective foster parents that we know away from becoming foster parents because of the twists and turns that they have witnessed us go through. I really wish that wasn't the case because I think that you do figure out how to deal with it -- it's sort of hard to explain unless you've gone through it.

Anyway, the point is that now I cannot possibly imagine losing Charlie. You know that song, "(You Make Me Feel Like a) Natural Woman"? Charlie makes me feel like a natural mother. He is the only one of our three kids who has a clear preference for me, so I have to admit that it makes me feel special to have him always reaching out for me or crying until I hold him (though sometimes it's both a blessing and a curse!). On a deeper level, Charlie has not been an easy baby and so the fact that he has challenged us and that I've still managed to be a loving and (mostly) patient mother gives me confidence. Because I have certainly wondered whether I have the proper personality for being a good mother!

That's just one reason that Charlie is so special to me. I also love his great cuddling skills, the way he crinkles his nose when he laughs, his willingness to eat anything and everything (except hummus), his pure joy at laughing with/at Skip, and his adorable face. We're so excited for him to *officially* become our son, although of course he's already been a member of our family before we sign any of these documents.

Now if he would just learn to walk!

Thank You For Not Choking

2011-11-27T18:22:00.001-08:00

On this Thanksgiving weekend, I am feeling very thankful for all the items that Charlie has NOT choked on. Here are some of the items I have found in his mouth:

a safety pin
a screw
a pushpin
a hairball
a small bouncy ball
endless piles of sand

And, of course, the most frightening of all was the tiny lava rock from our fireplace. Had to call the paramedics on that one. We try really hard to have a safe environment for him, but it's pretty challenging with older siblings who leave things out. And many of the items on this list were when we were visiting other people's houses who do not have children. The hairball unfortunately was at our house (Zadie is the only one with long hair!).

Soon I think we will be in the clear and we'll not have to constantly be ripping things out of his mouth. We've got him trained pretty well -- we just say "Open your mouth!" and then he spits the item out.

Enjoying the Kids

2011-11-20T14:37:00.001-08:00

Today we were driving the kids back home from a friend's house in Long Beach and Skip and Zadie were behaving terribly. They were fighting, crying, and whining. I told Tori that I was really surprised that our kids weren't better behaved. I really thought my children would be such model citizens. I don't know if this is just normal kid behavior or if our kids are more whiny than other kids, but I just really don't think that my brother and sister and I could have acted like that when we were kids. I'm not sure what my parents were doing differently. Were we just too afraid to act like that because of being punished (not that my parents were overly strict)? Do Tori and I coddle our kids? I don't think that's the case -- most of the time it seems like I get better results being patient than being really strict and upset with them.

Then we came home and had lunch (it's another rainy day) and lit a fire in the fireplace. Skip sat on a chair near the fire and stared into the fire, mesmerized as if he was watching a really good cartoon on television. He let me sit with him and cuddle next to the fire and we read books together. They all ate well and were very excited about getting crackers as a reward for eating their lunches (such a treat!).

Suddenly our kids seemed so sweet and well-behaved. I don't know what to make of all this. I just wish I could figure out how to make our kids sweet all the time. I often feel like Rodney King: "Can't we all just get along?"

New Family Photo

2011-11-15T17:00:00.000-08:00

My sister Kim recently did a photo shoot with our family and I really loved this photo she snapped (so much so that it's currently the header on our blog). She got some other nice ones, too, but I think we'll use one of the others for our holiday card, so you'll all just have to be on pins and needles until then!

If I could make our kids less attractive in exchange for being better behaved, I would make that trade in a quick minute. But I'm not aware of how to make that happen, so they just continue to be good-looking but poorly behaved.

Occupy L.A. & Questioning Authority

2011-11-14T19:53:00.001-08:00

This past Friday we had the day off because of Veteran's Day, so we decided to take the train downtown to visit the Occupy L.A. protest in front of City Hall. This was mainly Tori's idea, but I thought it might be a good civics lesson and memory for the kids.

Side-note: I have a lot of great memories of time I spent with my grandma in Texas, but one of my very favorites is taking her to a huge anti-Iraq war protest when she came to visit me and my sister in San Francisco. Now that was really something to see, with hundreds of thousands of people pouring into the streets and marches and artwork and music. Imagine you're an 80-year-old woman who was raised on a dairy farm in East Texas and your crazy granddaughters make you push your way onto a ridiculously crowded train to see it all. Actually, she loved it because of the great people-watching!

Anyway, I think Tori maybe had some visions of a big movement with a drum circle and people passionate about their cause. Instead we found lots of tents and a scattering of people, but most of them were clearly homeless and mentally ill. Tori was really disappointed about the whole arrangement. Still, we took this photo to remember the occasion.

Before we arrived at the protest, I tried explaining to Zadie what a protest was and why sometimes people decide to protest against a government or a company or whatever the case may be. But I didn't delve into too much detail because I realized I didn't want to plant any crazy ideas about questioning the authority figures in her life. I have enough trouble without her deciding she wants to start protesting her parents' rule.

And I speak from personal experience on this because when I was about 10 years old I remember spending a Saturday morning watching Bridge on the River Kwai and being so deeply moved by the hunger strike of the main character that I was inspired to start my own hunger strike. My cause? I demanded that my mom make me pancakes and vowed not to eat anything until she did. I gave in around late afternoon, I think.

Skip and Zadie

2011-11-08T16:42:00.000-08:00

I like this picture for many reasons. First of all, I like the way that Skip is looking at Zadie. Although they are often quite competitive with each other, they also do have a very deep connection and much prefer to be in one another's company than not. When we put them to bed at night, they laugh and talk to each other for about 30 minutes (or sometimes longer) before falling asleep. And in the morning Skip always wakes up first and yells for Zadie to wake up. They can't actually get out of bed until their little alarm clock lights up, so then they lie in bed talking and playing for a little bit longer. It's pretty cute (except when it happens way too early and also wakes Charlie up).

Zadie is definitely the prototypical oldest child in terms of how she bosses and cares for Skip, some of which he completely disregards and some of which, surprisingly, he really seems to appreciate.

I also like this picture because I like both of their outfits, but Zadie's in particular. I can't remember where we were going on this day, but it was a beautiful and sunny day and Zadie was stylish in her little jumper. And Skip is quite a looker, too!

Rainy Morning

2011-11-06T10:23:00.000-08:00

When the kids woke up this morning, Tori said, "Guess what? It's RAINING outside!" and they squealed with delight. On rainy days,Tori lets them watch movies, which is a very exciting occasion in their lives. It's quite exciting for me, too, because then they just sit happily on the couch and watch Kipper on our laptop while I get to read the paper and drink tea.

It has rained all morning and the kids watched two episodes of Kipper (my sister gave me the tip about that show because so many of the other kids shows are way too annoying, like Barney or Caillou), played a board game with Tori, and then basically ran out of indoor activities. I suggested watching more Kipper, but Tori got Skip and Zadie all bundled up in rain jackets and boots and she took them out for a wet adventure. They stomped in puddles, found new waterfalls, and generally mucked around in the rain. They were gone for about an hour and just came back for a nice warm bath.

The rain stopped just now. It's been a fun morning!

Charlie Loses His Curls

2011-11-05T15:37:00.000-07:00

Charlie has very, um, distinctive hair. It's red and curly. Not tight curls but long curly locks. We were kind of attached to his curls, so we didn't get him a haircut for a long time. Recently he started to resemble Bozo the Clown with the curls sticking out on the sides, so Tori took him to get a haircut.

I'm wondering if Tori asked the lady to cut his hair just like hers. The similarity is remarkable -- they both have pixy cuts!

Halloween Photos

2011-11-04T17:00:00.000-07:00

Finally getting a chance to post some photos from Halloween. Tori did a great job on Zadie's costume -- she was Pippi Longstocking -- and Skip's costume also turned out well. He ended up being a farmer/cowboy, even though originally we were going to make him Pippi's friend Tommy. And Charlie was Pippi's monkey, which worked out well since it kept him warm on a fairly cold (for California) trick-or-treating night. So we didn't pull off a theme like we try to every year, but they were still pretty cute.

And I was particularly proud of Tori for telling the kids they could eat an unlimited amount of candy that night IF they ate all their dinner. We stuck to our promise and Skip, in particular, completely gorged on candy. I don't think he's ever experienced anything remotely like that. It's kind of funny for me to think about how all his food is so tightly regulated and healthy and then all of the sudden his parents dress him up in a funny outfit, tell him to go knock on people's doors, and he gets to eat all the candy he's ever wanted. Seems kind of overwhelming, but he adjusted just fine.

It was a really fun night and one of those times when I tried to stop and pinpoint why exactly I was having so much fun with my kids. Frankly, I wish I felt that way more often (instead of being tired or hurrying or nagging) and so when it happens I really try to figure out what is making me so happy and how I can replicate it in the future. I think it was fun not to have any rules and just let the kids do whatever they wanted. It turns out that I enjoy my children way more when they're eating tons of candy. I'm sure that goes both ways.

Fall Weekend w/the Grandparents

2011-10-23T15:48:00.000-07:00

We're fortunate that we get to spend a lot of time with my parents, but I guess because we see them so frequently we always forget to take photographs. So I made a special point to get at least one good photograph for the blog this weekend.

This is a photo of my parents taking our kids to a little pumpkin patch in their brand-new MOTORHOME! They drove up to see us Saturday afternoon and spent the night in their motorhome nearby our house. It's a special treat because they haven't really had any incentive to come visit us in L.A. since we don't have any space to accommodate them. Now that they have this motorhome, hopefully we'll be seeing a lot more of them.

We went on a mini-road trip with them today to the Santa Monica Mountains National Recreation Area and the kids got to run around in nature for a little bit. The kids were very happy cruising in the motorhome because it has a television and so they watched movies the whole time. The best part was that we didn't have to pull over when they had to go to the bathroom!

Charlie's First Words

2011-10-19T18:03:00.000-07:00

As odd as it is, I would have to say that Charlie's first word was "uh-oh." I wish that it was "mama," but although he can definitely and occasionally does say "mama," he doesn't really say it with the proper context. On the other hand, he totally understands the uh-oh concept and says it at the perfect moment.

The other word that he has just started saying is "bye-bye." Once I thought he said it when Zadie was making him wave goodbye, but maybe that was a coincidence.

He really is hitting all kinds of developmental milestones lately -- my favorite is that he now uses the proper sign for "more" instead of just screaming like a wild man. That is a huge relief and hopefully he'll learn some other signs, too.

I'm eagerly waiting for him to start walking because I think that will be really fun (hopefully I don't eat my words). But he's rather on the heavy side, so it will be nice when he doesn't need to be held all the time. And I also know that he'll have more fun keeping up with his siblings once he can walk.

I seem to always be creating these light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel scenarios, so my current version of that is that our lives will be soooo much easier once Charlie can walk. Fingers crossed!

Flashback to Port Angeles Trip

2011-10-01T20:13:00.000-07:00

I finally downloaded photos from my camera and found all kinds of fun memories from our trip to Port Angeles, WA this summer to see Grandma Linda.

It's great to have a yard. Makes parenting much easier and less stressful!

I love this red table. It was great for having a sunny breakfast together or a quiet cup of tea.

Two of Zadie's cousins slept in the backyard in the tent (we had lots of people visiting Linda's house) and so of course it was quite the fun place to hang out.

Love this photo of Zadie with her Grandma Linda.

No Standards Whatsoever, Part 2

2011-09-30T17:56:00.000-07:00

A long time ago (when we only had two kids, which seems like a really long time ago), I did a post about how Tori and no longer had any standards when it came to our normally clean house. I had a photo of me reading the newspaper on the couch in my pajamas while surrounded by a messy array of toys and other items.

But that was nothing compared to the lapse tonight. Charlie was constipated and crying while trying to poop, so Tori and I had to put his legs in the proper position and then kind of massage the poop out of him (I realize this must sound awful, but I assume every parent has had to do this at some point). Anyway, some time passed and I was rinsing my dinner plate. That's when it hit me that I had not washed my hands between massaging the poop out and eating my dinner. Really disturbing. Even more disturbing? We had fish tacos for dinner...you know, the kind you eat with your hands?

Charlie One-Year Appointment

2011-09-29T20:53:00.000-07:00

Because I try to use this blog as a baby book, I try to always enter the info for the kids' appointments. You may have noticed that Charlie is a tad chunky, but actually his weight was only in the 85th percentile (25 lbs, 12 oz), his height was the 55th percentile (30 inches) and of course his enormous head was in the 97th percentile (19.25 somethings). He and Zadie are two peas in a pod when it comes to big heads!

He's on track with everything developmentally, though he doesn't seem to be in any rush to take steps. He's pretty content crawling around (he finally crawls the "real" way now). Unfortunately he still has to take lots of medication for his childhood asthma, but all in all he's doing great.

His favorite thing in the world watching his siblings romp around. A close second is feeding himself...that always seems to entertain him for long periods of time.

MY very favorite thing about Charlie is his great belly laugh. It's almost husky and it makes me happy every time I hear it.

Charlie Turns One!

2011-09-29T20:34:00.000-07:00

Charlie turned one year on September 20th and we had a small party in the park with some dear friends. I felt a little differently about this milestone than I did for other two kids, as you can kind of gather from the Evite text below:

It's been a tough first year. Between the emergency stomach surgery at three weeks, the non-stop crying for the first six months, the emotions of the court taking him away for a month, the chronic ear infections and childhood asthma, and then that time a few weeks ago when he swallowed a tiny lava rock and we had to call 911...let's just say that we are ready to celebrate a very important milestone.

Homeboy is a survivor. He made it. We made it. Let's have a party in the park!

So, as you can tell from the invitation and the photos below, we had quite a bit to celebrate and we are thankful to the friends and family members (including my parents coming up from San Diego and my Aunt Dana, who was in town from Texas) who attended.

Here is the man of the hour. Unfortunately, this wasn't his most photogenic day because he got suncreen in one of his eyes and it was kind of red and goopy. And, in an unfortunate wardrobe choice, he was shirtless the whole time and that isn't his best look for obvious reasons!

And here is the quite tasty cake that our friend Sidney baked. My mom also made some homemade lemon bars (from her own lemon tree) and those were great, too!

We've made it a tradition to have pinatas at all our kids' first birthday parties. This year I stuffed it with trail mix, organic gummy fruit treats, and apple sauce "crushers." The parents seemed relieved, but I must admit it's the first time I've ever seen that many kids neglect to pick up everything that came out. Oh well...

Unfortunately, we managed not to take photos of any family members, but we did get some shots of friends who turned out. Here is our friend Shafiq and his dapper son, Zak.

And our friends Allard and Richard, who we first met in our foster-to-adopt class about four years ago.

Zadie Portrait

2011-09-05T20:58:00.000-07:00

My sister-in-law took this great photo of Zadie over the 4th of July weekend. I love this girl's smile.

When people see this photo, I have a feeling they will say that she looks just like me. Like I've said before, I really don't see it. Maybe it's hard to see yourself in another person. At any rate, I take it as a compliment because Zadie is far more beautiful than I have ever been. And I'm not being modest.

Tori and I marvel about her beauty all the time and I tell her sometimes that she is beautiful or that I love her smile, but we don't want her to necessarily grow up focusing on that too much. And, frankly, I don't want her to be one of the super-popular beautiful girls in high school because I think they get into too much trouble and have to face a lot of peer pressure. I hope she can be a bit of a nerd in high school, like I was. Not the kind that's picked on, but enough a nerd that she's a bit sheltered from the scene in high school. Fingers crossed!

Beach Days

2011-09-05T20:47:00.000-07:00

We like our kids best when we're at the beach and least when we're in our house. At the beach, all three kids are really good at entertaining themselves. Our routine on the weekend is to pack lunches and lots of snacks and try to get to the beach around 10am and then leave about 2pm for naps back at home. We're not sure how long we're going to be living such a close bike ride to the beach, so we're trying to make the most of it now. It always amazes me how many people live in L.A. and never go to the beach, since I think it's one of the main benefits of living here (then again I rarely went to the beach when I lived in San Diego).

Here are some of my favorite photos from the beach over the past few weeks.

It's always so special and rare when one of the kids wants to stop playing and just chill. I was a little bit jealous of this moment.

Check out Charlie's weird kimono robe thingie. A friend brought this back from China as a bathrobe when Zadie was little, but it's thin and cool and perfect for keeping his pale skin out of the sun.

Hooray that Skip has a boy cousin his own age! Here is cousin Gavin, who will soon be moving to L.A. for more beach days!

I think this was a day when we came to the beach after work and didn't have bathing suits. I like it when Tori wears this cute hat instead of the other, totally awful Korean hat she typically wears. Had to document the occasion.

Sophie and Izzy Visit & Weekend Mornings

2011-08-30T20:06:00.000-07:00

A few weekends ago we had a nice visit with Sophie and Izzy. They came to L.A. with my sister and mom to connect with an aunt who was in town. We hung out at The Grove, had ice cream together, and then my mom and sister drove back to San Diego. And we got to keep the girls overnight!

Even though we're kind of overwhelmed with our own three, it really wasn't too much extra work to have the twins here because they are really well-behaved and they kind of keep Zadie busy. And actually Sophie is really good about playing with Skip, although Zadie tries her hardest to exclude him at every opportunity. Sophie is interesting because she is very independent and often breaks away from the group, or decides to spend time with Skip or Charlie. Everybody played well together and I was happy for Zadie to get some quality time with her cousins.

Tori and I trade off taking all three kids out of the house on the weekends, usually from 6:30am (when they're allowed to get out of their beds) until about 10am. It's hard to manage all three, but at least somebody gets to have one peaceful and restful morning per week. So I don't mind taking on the challenge since I know that I'm going to benefit from the system. I usually take the kids to the park from 6:30am to 7:15am and they ride their scooters while I feed Charlie. Then we go to Jamba Juice and they also eat some of the steel-cut oatmeal there. Then we go to a different park afterwards. Tori usually takes the kids garage-saling, though I really don't understand how she manages all of that, especially because at that time of the morning the kids are always needing to pee or poop (and never at the same time). Apparently she just asks lots of people if she can use their bathroom and I guess she's pretty hard to turn down with three kids in tow.

Anyway, I was quite proud of myself for taking all five kids away on the Sunday morning when they were here. First we went to the park and they ran around for a long time. Then I actually took them to that evil restaurant that has the playground, but annoyingly doesn't open until 9am. I figured since I was so desperate to manage them all, it was pretty justified. And they were pretty excited about that whole set-up. The other people in that restaurant were quite curious about my five children -- lots of questions about that. And looks of pity.

I've taken Skip and Zadie to "the restaurant with the playground" a few times but I really try to avoid using it's actual name because I don't want them to start asking to go there or building some associations with it. Lord knows I was the biggest McDonald's addict of all when I was a kid and, even though I know how bad it is to eat there, I still have to go there like once per month out of some chemical addiction. And then Tori sees it on our credit card bill and is appalled, month after month!

Here are some photos from the weekend that my sister took:

Zadie and Jake Forever

2011-08-15T20:15:00.000-07:00

A few weekends ago we went to San Diego with some very good friends from L.A. We had a great time and one of the best parts was how well Zadie played with Jake. This was really fun during the day, but kind of an issue at night since they were sleeping in the same room and they would keep each other up late chatting the night away. But this was a really cute photo we snapped of the two of them sleeping while holding hands, probably after chatting for like three hours.

On this particular night, my nephew Nick was babysitting and he couldn't get the kids to go to sleep. He said that Jake kept talking and talking and that Zadie told Jake that she was really tired and that if he didn't stop talking then she wouldn't be his best friend anymore. This made Jake really sad and he came out of the room crying to talk with Nick, who was sort of at a loss for what to say. I wish she wouldn't have said that to him (telling people she's not their best friend anymore is her new favorite insult), but it's also kind of amusing to me!

Skip's Cool New Shirt

2011-08-15T19:59:00.000-07:00

A friend of ours gave us some really great boys' hand-me-downs and our kids have been really stylin' since then. All of the clothes are really great collared shirts and most are actually more formal than this, but this is one of our very favorites. That Skipper is a handsome little devil.

I think most people would be surprised to know that Tori is quite strict about the clothes our children wear. She's really into them being sharp dressers and the boys almost always wear a collared shirt everyday. I think most people (including myself) would assume that Tori would not really give a hoot about what kids wear, but it turns out she's quite discriminating.

Charlie Adoption Update

2011-08-10T20:00:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago, Charlie had an important court date that Tori and I attended. It was our first time to actually go inside the courtroom because for some reason in the past we've been relegated to the waiting room. Anyway, there was quite a bit of drama and anticipation as we listened to the back and forth between lawyers appointed to represent Charlie, his birth dad, his birth mom, and the county. We didn't understand all that was going on, especially because the judge was a major mumbler (seems like judges shouldn't be allowed to mumble), but ultimately we got the outcome that we were hoping for: the parental rights of Charlie's birth parents were terminated.

This is a major step in the adoption process, so we were excited when Charlie's appointed lawyer told us that the adoption should be complete hopefully before the next status hearing in January. Knowing that things often take longer than expected, we were thinking we'd for sure have this all completed in the next three to six months.

Then last week the county social worker came out and told us that they can't find his birth certificate, which is a huge issue and could be a major source of delay. I could tell she was nervous to tell us this, but it's definitely not her fault (she was just assigned to the case), so there wasn't much to say. We're disappointed about the delay, but since the parental rights have been terminated we're still very confident that it's just a matter of time until we can legally adopt Charlie.

Zadie Wants Two Sisters

2011-08-01T19:20:00.000-07:00

Zadie was only 17 months when Skip arrived, so she didn't really think much of it. When Charlie arrived she was initially very excited about being a big sister and helping to take care of such a tiny baby, but that gave way to indifference and then, I think, minor resentment because Charlie was such a high-maintenance baby who demanded so much of her time. She quickly realized that it was due to his arrival that we had less time available for reading books and playing puzzles with her.

For a long time now, whenever I ask Zadie if she wants another sibling, she always says no. She won't really elaborate, but she's always very firm in her answer. But tonight when Tori made some comment about saving baby clothes for the possibility of a future child, I asked Zadie to weigh in.

Me: Zadie, do you want us to have another baby?

Zadie: Yeah!

Me: You do? Really?

Zadie: Yeah!

Me: Would you rather have a brother or a sister?

Zadie: A sister.

Me: But what would you think if you had another brother?

Zadie: That would be okay...but I want two sisters and another mommy.

Tori: Why do you want another Mommy?

Zadie: So that one could take care of Charlie and one could take care of Skip and one could take care of me and one could take care of the sisters [We didn't point out this more than three mommies].

Kate: So you want another sister even though that would mean we might have less time for playing games and puzzles with you?

Zadie: Yes.

So I guess Zadie is on board for another child, but I'm not making any promises. At the moment, the answer is no way, Jose.

It does make me happy to know that she's in the mood for another and isn't feeling so deficient in attention from her parents. She's a great big sister...most of the time!

Time Alone

2011-08-01T16:43:00.001-07:00

Whenever I have time alone or, more accurately, time away from our children, I feel a big countdown clock looming above me. As in, you have four hours of adult time that you must take full advantage of. There's a certain amount of stress involved because there is so much urgency and (self-imposed) pressure to make the absolute most of the time.

Yesterday Tori took the three kids to a party at her aunt's house and I had from 1:30pm to 7pm all to myself. That is an extraordinary gift and I was a little unsure how to use it. Here were some of my thoughts on how best to use the time:

--Do absolutely nothing so that I became so bored that I was actually excited to see my family when they came home and wishing they would hurry up and arrive. I quickly dismissed this option as unrealistic.

--Catch up on sleep. This was very appealing, but I didn't feel tired in that particular moment and it also seemed like a bit of a waste.

--Go to a coffee shop and read. This was very appealing, but I only had my bike and the tea house I wanted to go to made for a very traffic-filled and unattractive ride.

--Spend the whole time doing a major cleaning involving toilet scrubbing and bathtub scrubbing. I dismissed this because it seemed against the whole point of my time alone.

--Go to a movie. This is the option I ultimately chose because it just so happened that I had two good friends ready and willing to go to a 2pm showing of Stupid, Crazy Love, a film I had really been wanting to see.

After the movie I still had even MORE time to maximize and, as the time comes to an end, I feel an even more intense sense of urgency. So I also read the whole Sunday paper and an issue of LA Weekly, washed the dishes and picked up the house, and started my new Spotify music account.

All in all, it was time well-spent and I owe Tori big-time for this special treat. It's way less stressful when it's a big chunk of time and you can do a couple of different things.

Big Month for Charlie

2011-07-28T20:31:00.000-07:00

Untitled from Kate K. on Vimeo.

In the last month, and really more like the last week, Charlie has learned to crawl (not in perfect form, but he gets the job done) AND finally gotten two teeth. So there have been a lot of new developments.

It's cool to see him scooting all over the place, but it's also a little stressful that he can get into places that are unsafe and he's constantly scouring the floor looking for the most disgusting and dangerous items to put in his mouth. It was kind of cool when he just sat there and smiled. Now he's kind of possessed with an inexhaustible need to explore and see things. He's also really into standing, so he's not quite as chill as usual. But hopefully this will get old quickly and he'll start being a lazy blob again. Haha. Just kidding...but part of me does feel that way.

The other upside of him crawling is that maybe he'll start to lose some weight!! It's cute that he's so plump, but it can also be hard to lug him around. Gosh, pretty soon he'll start walking and we won't have to worry about that!

Skip Turns Two Years Old

2011-07-27T20:33:00.000-07:00

I'm really far behind on my blogging -- it's been a very eventful month, not the least of which because Skip just celebrated his second birthday. Many thanks to Aunt Katie for taking these photos.

As part of our annual 4th of July tradition, we went to Tori's dad's house in a small town in the Central Valley and we had a really great long weekend of rafting on the river, jumping on the trampoline, and doing the slip 'n slide down into the river. It was a physically exhausting and joyful vacation and we enjoyed every minute of it. We thought we had a long drive at 3.5 hours, but Tori's brothers drove from 17 to 22 hours, so we should be counting our blessings.

We got back home on the actual 4th of July and had previously arranged to have a big party at our house. I was thinking that was pretty poor planning to return from a long vacation at 1pm and have a bunch of guests arrive at 4pm. Oh well. We had a really nice group of people come over for the fireworks show and some gourmet burgers.

Skip got a cool scooter from my parents (see photo below) and a big donation towards a new kid bike seat from his Grandma Linda and a little bathrobe from me and Tori.

Skip is doing really great with regards to his talking. He speaks in pretty whole sentences and is way far ahead of where Tori was at the same age. He's not big for his age, but he's extremely athletic and coordinated. Tori hopes he'll be an Olympic gymnast. I can see him starring on the high school wrestling group in one of the lower weight groups, though Tori says wrestling is weird and she doesn't want to watch it!

Charlie's 9 Month Appointment

2011-06-28T20:21:00.000-07:00

Chubby Charlie had his nine-month doctor appointment last week and weighed in at 24 lbs, 2 oz (93rd percentile). He was 28 and 3/4 inches long (72nd percentile) and his head circumference was 18 and 3/4 somethings (95th percentile).

Charlie is a very lazy baby who rolls over about once a month and still doesn't crawl. Skip was almost walking at this age! But I think the fact that he's so hefty make it hard for him to be too mobile. The doctor said that he may just skip the crawling phase and go directly to walking.

Either way, Charlie is a sweet and wonderful baby. He brings me so much joy with his random giggle fits and his sweet and chubby face. I love him!

Vacation to Washington State

2011-06-20T08:42:00.000-07:00

Enjoying s'mores in Linda's backyard.

Grandma Linda took all 7 kids to the park and managed them all by herself. Impressive!

Charlie and Skip hanging out on the playground, trying to stay warm!

We've been enjoying our week-long vacation to Port Angeles, WA and only have a few days left. Tori's mom is a great host and keeps us and our kids busy with lots of fun games, mostly outdoors.

Zadie has got to spend lots of quality time with her other twin cousins (only "other" because she doesn't get to see them as often), Bailey and Rihanna. And this weekend Zach's whole family came to visit and we were a full house!

We had some great games of croquet and Shanghai (a card game), ate s'mores, went for long adventure walks in the blustery cold, and somehow ended up watching lots of YouTube clips together. Fun times.

And now for the grand finale: Tori and I are going camping for a day and a half while Linda watches our three kiddos! Linda lives right next to Olympic National Park and we're excited to see it, but truthfully we're more excited just to get away. I could be camping in a landfill for all I care! Well, that would be kind of stinky, but just the idea of getting away is the fun part. No offense, children.

Weekend in San Diego

2011-06-17T14:32:00.000-07:00

We had soooo much fun playing in the pool and the jacuzzi. Zadie made great progress with her swimming and didn't even want to go in the jacuzzi. And Charlie was as happy as a fat little pig in mud.

Skip fell asleep on my dad's chest for a whole hour. Very sweet, but I think my dad was starting to feel like a prisoner after a while since he was completely stuck.

Charlie is in a really fun stage right now. Nice photo with my madre.

Last weekend we had a work event in San Diego, and so we brought all the kids down and had a great time with my parents. Not sure if they can say the same. On Saturday we told them the great news that we could stay an extra day since we got permission to work from home on Monday, and I think they probably didn't think it was as great as we thought. They've been on extra duty as grandparents lately since my sister's family is living with them temporarily, but of course they were great sports and we spent a lot of time in the pool and tried to give them a break from our horde.

Enjoy these photos from our weekend!

Charlie Adoption Update

2011-06-07T20:25:00.000-07:00

I don't think I've given an update about Charlie's adoption status since I got back from Italy and things were really up in the air. The good news is that we feel really good about the direction things are going and feel like we will be able to adopt Charlie and have him as our forever family. Hooray!

We got to meet Charlie's biological sister, who took care of him for the month that he was away. She is a very nice person who I think has a good heart and I want Charlie to always know that she really wants to raise him and be close to him. But after meeting her, we were able to have a frank heart-to-heart in which we shared with her a few of the reasons why we thought that Charlie would be better off being raised by us. Although I know that it was emotional for her, she ultimately agreed with us, which I think shows that she is really thinking of Charlie and what is best for him.

I am feeling really happy that things are looking so positive for us and I feel really excited about getting to keep Charlie. Nothing has happened in the actual court system to make us any closer to this reality, but this is just a really strong feeling that I have and is also based on the fact that now that the sister isn't going to contest our custody, there really isn't another candidate because of the issues with the biological parents (the birth dad is currently in jail and the birth mom is not easy to locate). I think it's going to take a long time to work it's way through the system, but I think that this is really going to happen.

Although having three kids spaced so closely together is really a challenge and is still a bit overwhelming, I'm really happy with our family and love our three little kids. Can't wait until it's all official!

The Five of Us

2011-06-05T15:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we went to our friend Suzan and Fernando's house (otherwise known as "Suzando") for a gourmet brunch and time at the park. I wish we had some photos of all the stuff she made for brunch: french toast with fresh berries, nutella, and mascarpone; fritatta; and chicken sausage. Tori brought a watermelon/feta/mint salad which sounds gross but is actually very good.

Suzan took a bunch of photos of all us, including these two family photos. It's funny because I can't really remember the last time I saw a photo of all five of us (maybe our holiday card?). When I look at it, it makes me think, "Is that really my family?"

It seems like we became a family of five really quickly and I don't even know what happened. All of the sudden we just were. And it's still weird for me to think of myself as a mother, although sometimes that part of my identity feels like it threatens to suffocate all the other parts of me (like the me that used to have adult time). When the past three Mother's Days came around, Tori and I both never thought of that holiday having anything to do with us because it's like we still don't realize that we're moms. We just think of it in relation to our own mothers.

The other thing that stands out to me about these photos (and particularly the one at the park) is how we look a bit older and worse for the wear. Especially me. I wonder what I'll think in five years or ten years when I look back at this photo. Maybe I'll think, "Wow, look how tired I look. I'm glad I survived those years and made it to the more fun part of parenthood." Or maybe I'll think what everyone says I'm going to think, which is, "Awww, I sure miss when the kids were little and cute like that. Those were the days." But I really hope I don't think the latter.

The majority of people who come up to us when they see us with three little kids in tow say something to the effect of, "Treasure this time because they grow up so quickly." I know they're just trying to be nice and I'm sure there's a lot of truth to what they're saying, but I find it annoying to hear that because right now I'm sort of in survival mode and I'd like to think that this isn't the peak of the parenting experience and that I'm always going to miss this phase. Having said that, I realize I'll probably walk around saying this to young parents in 10 years, so I shouldn't judge!

But there are also some mothers who will come up to us, especially when one of us is alone with the three kids, and quietly reassure us, "Don't worry. It's gets easier. It really does." And those are the people I want to hug and say, "Thank you for saying that!"

Brothers

2011-06-05T14:58:00.000-07:00

Charlie and Skip are really cute together. Charlie cracks up at everything that Skip does, except when Skip gets too rough and pushes him over or rolls him over (we're working on that). And Skip takes special pride in looking out for his brother. When we're in the other room and he hears Charlie crying, he says "I'm toming, Cha-yee. I'm toming."

I think Skip is really enjoying being the older sibling since he's used to being the youngest. Zadie is kind of over younger siblings and tends to not give Charlie the time of day. Sometimes she can be really sweet with him, but mostly I think she sees little brothers as impediments to the projects she loves to work on. They're always wrecking her stuff or their crying or need to drink a bottle is keeping her parents from playing puzzles with her or working on other projects. When I ask her if she wants another little brother or sister, she's very emphatic that she doesn't. Poor thing probably just wants to enjoy a little bit of her childhood!

Sometimes when I'm hanging out with Zadie, I say, "Zadie, isn't Charlie just SO cute? Isn't he just the cutest?" and then she'll smile and agree with me. So I know that she loves him, but most of the time she's just trying to get her share of the parents' attention.

Anyway, here are some sweet pictures of Skip and Charlie hanging out together. Skip tries really hard to be a good brother to Charlie and loves to make him laugh. I also think these photos are funny since they are biological siblings but they look *nothing* alike and their skin color is so different. Also funny that Skip is 14 months older, but Charlie is almost as big as he is!

Bonding with Charlie

2011-06-04T15:14:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I went to San Diego for a few nights and I only took Charlie with me. It was fun to just have him and actually be able to treat him like an only child for two days. Sometimes we feel badly that we're always carting him here and there and everywhere and it doesn't really get to be about him.

The exception to that is the mornings. Because he unfortunately wakes up before everyone else (usually 5:15 or 5:30am), one of us gets up with him and just plays with him before the other kids wake up. It's kind of pathetic, but lately we've been taking turns sitting in the car in the driveway until 6:15 or 6:30am when the other kids wake up. He's really fun in the morning, but he screams so loudly (happy screams) that he wakes up Skip, who then wakes up Zadie.

Anyway, this post is supposed to be about how much I enjoyed my quality time with Charlie. He's a really happy baby these days and full of smiles. He's also extraordinarily fat and so that means that he's really fun to cuddle and squeeze. He loves to be tickles and gets the giggles really easily.

We're so relieved that he grew out of that miserable period...and I'm sure he feels better, too!

p.s. This photo cracks me up. I think the look on his face is as if he's taking his senior class photo!

Cowgirl Zadie

2011-05-28T13:47:00.000-07:00

Last week Zadie had a great time in San Diego. My sister and her family are living with my parents for two months, so Zadie came down and got to spend a full week of quality time with her cousins. She even got to go to their pre-school with them everyday and had lots of fun making cool art projects, swimming, etc.

As usual, Zadie didn't miss her moms at all and had no interest in coming home. She cried the whole drive back home. I guess I should be thankful that she's independent and loves to stay at her grandparents so much.

On her last day in San Diego, my dad took her to feed the ducks and he was wearing a cowboy hat. Apparently Zadie really loved it and so my dad took her to a western wear store and got her very own cowgirl hat. While she was there she fell in love with these pink boots, too.

I thought it was so cute that my dad took her shopping! Thanks to my parents and my sister and family for taking such good care of her.

Cousin Gavin Comes for a Visit

2011-05-16T19:42:00.000-07:00

Tori's sister Katie and her son Gavin came for a spur-of-the-moment visit this past weekend, which was a nice treat. We're super excited for Skip to have a boy cousin that is so close to him in age (Gavin is two months younger) and this was really the first time that they really played together and and enjoyed each other, so it was fun to watch. Our duplex neighbor got really upset about all the pounding of little feet because they chased each other around so much, but there wasn't much we could do about that.

Gavin is a really sweet kid. Even though he is younger than Skip, he's much bigger. But he's kind of a big sweet oaf, whereas Skip is a small, scrappy little booger that likes to tackle his bigger cousin to the ground. Gavin never complains, but doesn't seem too interested in roughhousing. He can go toe-to-toe with Skip in his love of balloons, though. And milk.

Katie loves to go to the beach when she visits from Las Vegas, so she and Tori took the two boys, but unfortunately it was an oddly chilly day at the beach. Still some nice photos, though. The really nice photo of Skip was taken by Katie, so thank you, Katie!

The Happiest Place on Earth

2011-05-16T18:54:00.000-07:00

Super cute photo of Zadie and the twins before our big day at Disneyland. I love this picture!

Zadie and I made it into Mickey Mouse's secret lair to get a photo.

Zadie with Grandma Niece at the petting zoo.

Zadie and I were invited to attend a very special birthday party for her cousins Sophie and Izzy last week. To celebrate their fourth birthday, we all went to Disneyland for the day (well, technically we were over it at 1pm and left, but it felt like the whole day!).

They were enthralled with Disneyland and especially the chance to meet and take a picture with Mickey Mouse, but I have to say that "the happiest place on earth" may not be Disneyland, but rather anywhere these three little cousins gather. We spent the night at a hotel the night before and the three little girls had the BEST time running around the hotel, stuffing each other into the mini-fridge, playing pretend shopkeeper, etc. It was really cute (though Kim wouldn't let them put themselves into the fridge once we figured out what they were doing).

Happy fourth birthday to some really great nieces!

Oh, Italy

2011-05-13T21:20:00.000-07:00

I haven't had a chance to write much about my big Italian vacation. It's kind of hard to write about because it involves a lot of superlatives. My mom really spoiled me and my sister to a getaway filled with fine wine, food, relaxation, and lots of quality time together. Two weeks away from children, work, and the stresses of daily life was pretty special. This wasn't one of those vacations where you get stressed out managing your daily itinerary and getting from place to place. We didn't cover a lot of ground on our trip and we had lots of down time to soak everything in, read books, enjoy tea and gelato, etc.

My sister documented our trip with great photos and narratives at www.doubleblessingsblog.blogspot.com, so I don't think I will try to rival her. We spent most of her time in Tuscany hill towns and also in Cinque Terre.

The highlights were (in no particular order) delicious wine, Tuscan salami and cheese, beautiful scenery and weather, time to actually read novels, and, of course, time with my mom and sister. It was a really special trip that I'll always treasure. Thank you, parents!

Easter 2011

2011-05-08T19:21:00.000-07:00

I'm far behind on my posts, but rest assured that we had a nice Easter weekend (a few weeks ago). Our town has a big Easter egg "hunt" extravaganza. I can't even guess how many hundreds of kids attend, but it's not really a hunt since they put them all in the grass in a big field and then they line the kids up in a circle and when they say "go" all the kids sprint to fill up their Easter baskets. Kind of a funny scene. Here are some scenes from that weekend...

Zadie and her good friend Xixi with some goose (am I supposed to know who this is?)

I love this picture, especially of Tori!

This Easter egg hunt was at Tori's relatives' house in Studio City, but unfortunately Skip napped through this one and missed it. This is the white Easter dress I forced Zadie to wear (as my mother once did to me!).

Breakfast with Sidney

2011-04-26T19:44:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned in a previous post, we got the phone call that Charlie was coming back to us the night before I left for my two-week vacation in Italy. I can't even begin to say how much work it was for Tori to manage three kids ages three and under while I was away. Our friends were a huge help to us and we appreciate all of their efforts, but there was one friend in particular who went above and beyond the call of duty.

Sidney came over every single morning before work and helped Tori from 6:45am to 8:15am. I heard that she had volunteered for this right before I got on the plane and I felt so relieved and thankful that someone was going to be helping Tori in the mornings. Can you imagine waking up at the crack of dawn every day for two weeks to help take care of someone else's kids? According to Tori, she cooked, cleaned, played with the kids, and was an all around superstar.

When I got back from vacation, Tori shared this cute video of an idea Sidney had to surprise the kids by filling the bathtub up with balloons. I realize that all kids love balloons, but Skip has a very special obsession with them. It's unreal. So he was VERY excited about this and in the video you just hear him repeating "Boon! Boon! Boon!"

So thank you, Sidney, for all that you did while I was away and all that you continue to do for our family. We are very lucky to have you in our lives!

Balloon Mania from Kate K. on Vimeo.

New and Improved Charlie

2011-04-21T21:30:00.000-07:00

Now that Charlie is seven months old, I think he's gotten over all his newborn fussiness and has been really great. He loves to sit on the carpet and watch Skip and Zadie (and especially Skip). They crack him up. And he also loves grabbing stuff, shoving it in his mouth, and drooling like a madman.

So this video is proof positive that Charlie is an adorable and happy baby. And very fat. He's gotten even fatter, but the doctor says that's okay.

Belly Laughs with Charlie from Kate K. on Vimeo.

A Trip to Italy and the Return of Charlie

2011-04-21T21:17:00.001-07:00

My mom mentioned something a few months ago about wanting to invite her daughters on a special mother-daughter trip somewhere in Europe and of course I hopped right on that and shortly thereafter we had booked tickets for us to travel to Italy together. We spent two weeks in Italy (4/5 to 4/19) and it was wonderfully relaxing and beautiful. Kim and I were spoiled with great food and wine and the three of us traveled together really well.

I'd like to write more about Italy, but I almost want to share a very important update about my immediate family. The night before I left for Italy we got a call that Charlie was being removed from his sister's home and asking us if we would take him, which of course we did. As much as I felt happy that we could be there for him, I felt really, really awful about the fact that I was leaving Tori with three kids for two weeks. Charlie was coming that next morning (after I was gone) and we didn't have a crib, clothes, food, a car seat, etc. So we had lots of scrambling that night for sure.

The bad news is that Tori had a pretty rough two weeks. Our kids were sicker than they have ever been before and even Tori got really sick. I'm talking lots and lots of vomiting -- in beds, on carpets, couches, and everywhere in between. Taking care of three little kids in excellent health would have been challenging enough, but with her being sick it was just really tough. There's just no way I would have been able to deal with all that she did.

The good news is that (1) Charlie is WAY easier now than he was when he was younger. He's just a much happier baby and doesn't need to be held every moment, especially because now he sits up on his own and can interact with Skip and Zadie more. And (2), we had an array of friends and co-workers who totally rallied to help Tori out and come over in the mornings and evenings and weekends. I will write more later about that, but I so appreciate everyone's help with that. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

We really don't know what is going to happen regarding Charlie's placement. We are hopeful that we will get to keep him, but we're really not sure and we just want to be focused on providing a happy and loving home for him. We love him and want the very best for him.

Visit from Suzan and Benny

2011-04-02T09:13:00.000-07:00

Skip and Zadie were delighted when our friend Suzan and her dog Benny showed up last night right before their bedtime. Although Skip was at first afraid of the dog, they loved playing with him and giving him treats. They especially loved when he went under the couches searching for their long-lost toys.

Thanks for the visit, Suzan!

Frequent Flier

2011-03-31T20:38:00.000-07:00

As many people have commented, Skip has traveled all over the world in his less than two years on the planet. Internationally, he's been to China and Jamaica, but he's also been to Texas (a few times), Washington, D.C., and Portland, Oregon.

Everyone asks why Skip is so lucky that he gets to go on all the fun trips (usually with Tori). The answer is that, at least for now, he flies for free! He turns two in July and then all the free trips will end. We just booked a week-long trip to visit Tori's mom in Washington state right before he turns two so that we can take advantage of this perk one last time.

This is a photo of Skip wearing his Southwest Airlines wings on his flight home from Washington, D.C. last month.

Tangled

2011-03-30T20:25:00.001-07:00

Zadie's hair was washed and combed when she went to bed. Then she woke up with this crazy hairball growing from her scalp. Maybe she had a bad dream and did lots of twists and turns.

My hair used to get crazy tangled when I was a kid and I remember my mom just cutting out large masses of hair sometimes. I think Zadie inherited the same problem because her hair is always a tangled mess and we have to spray mass amounts of de-tangler on it.

Snoozing Siblings

2011-03-27T15:49:00.000-07:00

Every night before we go to bed, Tori goes into the kids' room, turns on the space heater, and checks on them. Sometimes she whispers for me to come check something out and this night (about a month ago) we had to laugh about the way Skip was sleeping. He loves to sleep with his hands behind his neck, especially when he sleeps in the car. Seems pretty unnatural to me.

I love this picture because it totally captures the nighttime scene in their room. Zadie loves to have a million stuffed animals in her bed -- I can see Pippi Longstocking, Elmo, and the Wocket in My Pocket Dr. Seuss animal. I also love her little quilt. Tori got it at one of those prop sales that movie studios have and we're always trying to convince Zadie how cute it is but she is always trying to take it off and use one of our other quilts.

The Skip scene is not quite as accurate because I'm sure Tori put his little blanket on him before she took the picture -- he will never sleep with a blanket on and so we have to dress him in layers. And he has a favorite teddy bear and "green dude" that he likes to sleep with that aren't in his bed for some reason.

Anyway, it's just cute to me how their beds are like one foot away from each other and how they get to go to bed chattering away with each other every night. Oftentimes Skip won't stop talking and Zadie gets frustrated and asks us to make him quiet because she just wants to sleep, but most of the time they're pretty cute together.

Rainy Days in L.A.

2011-03-26T14:40:00.001-07:00

It's actually been a very rainy winter this year and so last week during one of the big rains we lit one of those romantic insta-logs (I made that word up) and Tori cozied up with the kids to read them a book before bed. This is probably the second or third time we've ever used the fireplace, which of course we were very excited about when we moved in.

President's Day Weekend w/Grams

2011-03-26T09:15:00.000-07:00

Miracle of miracles, I finally figured out how to get the photos off our new camera. This serves me right for always making such fun of Linda for not knowing how to do the same and for enthusiastically taking photos that go into the "black void."

These are photos from President's Day Weekend, when my parents were out of town and we all took over their home. Linda was in charge of my nephew Gavin while his parents were out of town and so we had four kiddos (Zadie, Skip, Charlie, and Gavin) and managed to have a great weekend despite the weird rainy weather.

It's waaaayyyyy more fun to have a bunch of kids at my parents house than at our dumporama. Check out all the fun stuff for kids to do -- they can play on the deck on the mini "roller coaster," go in the jacuzzi, etc.

Our Little Swimmers

2011-03-24T18:59:00.000-07:00

We've had some great trips to my parents' house recently, which unfortunately I haven't been documenting because I'm having a problem with our new camera and can't figure out how to get them onto the computer. I've resorted to reading the actual manual.

Anyway, this is a video we took of the kids jumping into the jacuzzi. Even though the weather was actually pretty cold and rainy, we can still have fun in the jacuzzi.

Skipper is kind of bonkers about jumping in the water and sometimes he doesn't give us any warning, so it's a good thing it's a small space and we can scoop him up really quickly. Zadie is a bit more cautious, but she still loves doing the big jumps. Her jumps are more like painful line drives, unfortunately.

Jumping in Jacuzzi from Kate K. on Vimeo.

Charlie Report

2011-03-23T18:31:00.000-07:00

It's now been three weeks since Charlie left and we are feeling good about the direction things have taken. Although the process of saying goodbye was very emotional, we've communicated regularly with his sister (who is taking care of him) and we feel at ease with everything.

At first we didn't hear anything for five days and we were worried about how things were going and how he was adjusting. But then Tori realized she hadn't checked the right email account and actually the sister had written us the very next day!! Although his sister will definitely have some challenges in terms of raising the two children she now has with limited resources, we are confident that she is a good-hearted person and is committed to keeping us a part of his life. She actually asked us to be his godparents, which is really very sweet.

We Skyped with Charlie this past weekend and it was really great to see him doing so well. He looks exactly the same and is still very chubby. He smiled a lot at us and was very happy. We're scheduled to meet up with them this Saturday at a national park, so that will be fun.

The Kids Are Away

2011-03-06T13:43:00.000-08:00

This past week has been a really big week in terms of the emotions of Charlie's departure and the fact that this was Peace Corps' 50th anniversary week and I had tons of big events that I've been working on for a long time. To help with the crazy week, and as a wonderful birthday present (yesterday was my birthday), my parents are hosting Skip and Zadie from this past Wednesday until Monday.

It's been a GREAT present and Tori and I have appreciated the opportunity to re-charge so much. This definitely ranks up there with one of the best birthday presents ever. Last night Tori and I went out to a great sushi dinner and tonight we're going out for Sichuan food with some friends.

I just hope my parents aren't going to be too worn out from this week and never want to do it again. Yikes! Sounds like things are going well, but of course I'm sure they'll be breathing a sigh of relief when the kiddos drive off into the sunset tomorrow.

Here is an excerpt from an email my dad shared:

Skip has really tickled me on this trip. In the evenings we get in the jacuzzi with the kids. Skip dives in with belly busters. He can't swim a lick but that doesn't dampen his enthusiasm. Denise sits on one side of the jacuzzi and I sit on the other. He "swims" back and forth between us. He stands on a step in the jacuzzi like he's getting ready to jump in a pool. Then he throws his arms forward and does a belly buster towards the other side. He thinks he's swimming but he's under water and we have to pull him up. Sometimes it's hard to find him under all the bubbles. No matter how long I leave him under, he comes out spitting out water and smiling, ready to "swim" to the other side. He "swam" about 100 laps last night. He is fearless. He's also crazy about his Granddaddy Hal. He likes to play rough and the rougher we play the more he laughs. I'm trying to teach him it's not nice to hit.

Zadie is faithful in doing her chores - feeding the dog twice/day, getting the mail, etc. She's very serious about her chores. I cannot believe her vocabulary. She's like Kate was at that age. She'll argue about any and everything and she's articulate. Even Skip is talking. He's like a parrot - he repeats what we say. When he wakes up he talks to himself with moans and hums that sound like Uncle Arthur when he slept. After 15-20 minutes of those noises he finally starts to chant "OUT". That means we better come get him. They're fun.

Goodbye to Charlie

2011-03-04T19:35:00.000-08:00

We've been expecting a decision about Charlie soon and his court date was this past Monday (2/28). Tori called Charlie's appointed lawyer that afternoon and she told us that the judge had ordered him placed with his older sister, Christina.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, this situation has gone through many twists and turns and I have mixed feelings about what happened. On the one hand, obviously there is a real feeling of sadness about losing Charlie and the actual experience of handing Charlie over to the social worker and waving goodbye was terrible and emotional. I'm most concerned about his own transition in a new place since he has a particular way he likes things and he's not the kind of baby that rolls with the punches. The thought of him crying in a new place as he tries to adjust makes me really sad.

On the other hand, our approach as foster parents is that whatever is meant to be is to be. I'm afraid that might sound callous in this situation, but it's not only a coping strategy, but also the true reality of the fact that we don't have any control over anything and so you just have to believe things will end up for the best. And, though it's certainly been emotional, I can sense some of the reasons why it may not have been meant for us to raise Charlie.

In any case, there are feelings of loss and sadness but there are also feelings of resolution and a sense of purpose for what we've been able to provide for Charlie. As family members have been so kind to point out, we really feel like we were able to provide very loving care for a baby who had relatively high needs in terms of constant attention. And in that respect it's really meaningful to be able to send him to his bio sister's home now that he has grown into a more happy baby and is full of smiles and coos.

I definitely don't feel bitter about the process because we knew exactly what we signed up for as foster parents and I think we were able to do something very important and meaningful. And the good news is that we've spoken with Christina and she is very open to keeping up a relationship with our family, especially because Skip and Charlie are half-biological brothers.

So I just wish Charlie all the blessings of a great life and I hope we get to see it.

Zadie's Three-Year Check-up

2011-02-17T21:40:00.001-08:00

Since I also use this as the kids' official baby book, I wanted to report that Zadie had her three-year checkup and is 37 inches tall (80th percentile) and weighs 35 lbs (50th percentile). She's very healthy and developmentally doing great. As most people know, one of her most impressive talents is her ability to do complex puzzles, which she most definitely didn't get from my gene pool! She's actually quite mechanical and really enjoys putting things together.

Charlie Keeps Getting Cuter

2011-02-10T20:23:00.000-08:00

Let's face it, newborns don't have a lot of personality. So, though we love sweet Charlie dearly, it has been a welcome change that in the past month or so he has become way more interactive. It's not like winning the lottery to get him to smile anymore -- it's actually a very regular occurrence.

Of course we didn't manage to catch a full-blown smile on camera, but these two photos will give you a feel for how Charlie is looking these days and there's the tail end of a smile in the bottom photo. He is a sweet and chubby little guy!

Birthday Junk Food Extravaganza

2011-02-10T20:07:00.000-08:00

On her way to a very special birthday treat!

Check out that spread of items! Her plate says "Happy Birthday Zadie" written in chocolate.

It even came with cotton candy! Zadie looks like she's starting to slow down at this point.

Zadie is very fortunate to have Sidney to take her on little excursions. They've gone on little day trips to the pumpkin patch, a carnival, and Hello Kitty's 50th birthday party. This past weekend Sidney wanted to do something belated for Zadie's birthday, so she booked reservations at a swanky hotel in Beverly Hills and ordered Zadie some famous menu item called "Junk Food Extravaganza" or something like that. It's supposed to serve four, but apparently Zadie plowed through it mostly on her own.

When they got home I asked if Zadie was super excited about it and Sidney and Tori both said it was more like she was really focused and serious about her mission to shovel it all in as fast as she could.

Now that's a pretty special birthday treat. If anyone wants to take me there for my birthday, I'm available!

Zadie Turns Three!

2011-02-05T15:40:00.000-08:00

Grandma Linda and a very happy Zadie enjoying her cake.

Tori, Zadie, and Steven right after Zadie blew out her candles.

Sidney made this amazing seven-layer rainbow cake for our rainbow family. Thanks, Sid!

Lots of friends squeezed into one tiny home!

Tori and her sister lead the kiddos in parachute games.

I'm rather late with this post, but Zadie had a fun birthday weekend last weekend. Grandma Linda, Aunt Katie, cousin Gavin, and my parents all came in for guest appearances. On Saturday we had a bunch of our own friends, some of whom happen to have children, and somehow managed to fit 22 adults and 5 kids into our teensy house. Tori was quite creative in arranging the couches so that the kids watched a movie in one corner (with little bags of popcorn and a piece of licorice) and the adults chatted it up, ate, and tried to ignore their children. Then we put the kids to bed, rearranged the couches, and watched a copy of "The Fighter" that our friend loaned us. It was a fun night and good to have people over.

The next day Aunt Susie hosted a family party with Tori's side of the family and my parents, which was also very nice. Zadie shares a birthday with Aunt Susie's son Steven, so they did a joint birthday cake (see photo).

Zadie hauled in some good presents, including several bathing suits for the swim class she's taking (she didn't have any that fit her anymore), pajamas, a Dr. Seuss wocket, a baby high chair from Linda, and a bunch of clothes from my mom. Since we always figure other people give our kids enough presents, we don't tend to by them anything. I think Tori picked up a pair of tights at a consignment store for her that are too big and she insists on wearing anyway.

Broken Camera

2011-01-13T20:49:00.000-08:00

My posts have been photo-less lately because our camera is broken. I will be purchasing a new one soon and then watch out, I'll be back to blogging again!

What I haven't written about is our Christmas trip to Portland, Oregon. We stayed with Tori's brother and family and had a great trip. All of our family members came and we all crammed in to their house and caught up. The family visiting and the chance to visit a new city (and see an old friend of mine from Peace Corps) was great. The weather was a drag and made me thankful to live in Southern California.

I wish we had photos from the day Grandma Linda treated us to tubing up in the mountains. Zadie had a great time and did belly laughs down the hill. Skip didn't laugh out loud but definitely had a big smile on his face, despite the fact that one of his eyes was almost crusted shut because of pink eye. I starting feeling like an irresponsible parent and decided to take him (and my frozen feet) into the lodge.

Zadie also got to play with her twin cousins Bailey and Rihanna. I think they're only like four months apart. She loved following them around and was totally jealous of their braids. I wish they could have spent more time together.

Baby Charlie

2011-01-04T19:40:00.000-08:00

I haven't written much lately about Charlie and the whole foster-to-adopt situation, mostly because it's fairly complex and has been frustrating and emotional. And not for all of the obvious reasons.

Basically at this point we have a pretty good inkling that we will not get to keep Charlie because he has an older half-sister who has come forward and wants to take care of him. Birth relatives always have priority, which I understand. When we first learned about this I was kind of shocked because I had a really strong gut feeling that we were going to get to keep him. That was a very sad period -- I think this was in mid-November or so.

We've had two court dates since then, including one yesterday, at which we wondered if the judge would order Charlie to be in the sister's custody. That hasn't happened yet because her home study and background check has not yet cleared, but it seems imminent. The uncertainty of the situation is obviously challenging, not only for emotional reasons but also for logistical and financial reasons related to daycare commitments and cars (three car seats don't fit in our Honda Civic and we've been borrowing my parents' SUV) and so on.

Like I said, the emotions behind all of this are complex and I wouldn't know how -- or if I even should -- tackle them in one blog post. I'm not upset at all with the system since this is basically exactly what we signed up for as foster parents. I'm trying to focus on a sense of purpose related to providing the best and most loving home I can for Charlie, regardless of where he ends up being placed. And I think that of all the service work Tori and I have ever done, this is definitely the most important and valuable service we've ever been able to offer. But also certainly the most challenging.

Our next court date has been scheduled for February 28th, so I will give another update at that point...

Zadie's First Day at Pre-School

2011-01-04T19:36:00.001-08:00

I wish I had a photo of Zadie's first day at pre-school today, but our camera is broken. We signed her up for Tuesdays and Thursdays and she's been really excited about the start of school, partly because we got her a new Hello Kitty lunch box that she wasn't allowed to use until today. Sidney bought her a Hello Kitty bento box and water bottle, so she was all set.

I wish I could tell you something about how the day went, but it was like pulling teeth trying to get information out of her. Kind of like talking to a teenager in terms of one-word answers. All I can really say is that she was really excited when we dropped her off and she didn't cry or seem at all distressed when we said goodbye to her this morning.

Now Skip goes to daycare M-W-F and Zadie goes to pre-school Tu-Thu, so everyday our nanny Uncle Hank has baby Charlie plus one other child.

First Movie

2011-01-02T19:57:00.000-08:00

We took Skip and Zadie (and Charlie, too, although he didn't think much of it) to their very first movie tonight. We went to see "Tangled." Since we've never really seen them watch a full-length movie before, we weren't sure how it would go, especially since I wouldn't say Skip has a particularly long attention span. But actually they both did really well.

Zadie sat at the edge of her seat the whole time completely entranced until the last moment and Skip sat on my lap and laughed at the funny animals, danced and applauded when there was music, and generally babbled throughout the movie. Hopefully the people around us weren't too annoyed by his chatter, but I figure if you're an adult who goes to Disney movies you really can't complain about kids in the theater.

More updates about Christmas and our trip to Portland later when I have photos!

Skip Goes to Jamaica

2010-12-19T12:46:00.000-08:00

Tori took all these kids to the beach one day and had a great time. Dillon has the food and to his left is Tori's host sister Poonkey, then Lasanya. The othe kid is Dillon's brother Tiger Shark (that's really his name).

Skip with Dillon, Tori's godson who she calls every Sunday. Note Skip's mosquito-bitten face!

Skip catching a ride on the donkey cart in Tori's host community.

Skip likes to practice his kung fu moves and make lots of whoosh whoosh sounds. On the veranda of Auntie P's house.

Skip the World Traveler went to Jamaica with Tori for a week and just returned this past Wednesday. Tori had a service project to do and also wanted to help take care of some things with Poonkey, her former host sister.

So this year Skip has spent three weeks in China and one week in Jamaica. He gets selected to travel since he is under two and travels free! But the funny thing is that Zadie thinks she's getting the better end of the deal because she gets to go to Mama Niece's house and she finds that way cooler than China or Jamaica. So, Zadie, don't be mad at us when you get older -- you had no interest in going!

Fun Adult Time!

2010-12-06T19:59:00.000-08:00

Toasting a great meal with friends I wish I got to see more of...

Vegan mapo tofu. Nice presentation!

The great thing about friends without kids is that they really enjoy interacting with kids! Zadie has a special place in her heart for Tim and he was kind enough to read her this really silly book about Clifford the Big Red Dog.

In the early days of parenthood, Tori and I were determined not to let kids slow us down and we regularly took our kids out and about. We would go to a friend's house and put our kid(s) down in a bedroom and then load them in the car at the end of the night. Not so much lately. We're just in survival mode and it has certainly limited our social life.

But last night was a special treat because a bunch of good friends from grad school came over for a cooking party. It was so fun to have adults around and not just any adults, but adults that I really like. So thanks, my friends, for coming over!

And the food was good, too!

Starting Christmas Traditions

2010-12-06T19:52:00.000-08:00

Zadie and Tori start unwrapping the ornaments.

Except for the really high ones, Zadie ended up doing all the decorating and I think she did a pretty good job.

Sidney came over with a gingerbread house kit and Zadie was quite a fan of this experience, especially because it involves gum drops!

This is the first year Zadie really gets Christmas and she's pretty excited about it. She's loved learning about all the traditions, like decorating the Christmas tree, building a gingerbread house, and of course the advent calendar. It's been fun for us to start creating our family's first Christmas traditions.

Skip isn't really interested in Christmas traditions, but he thinks it's really fun to pull all the ornaments off the tree. I tried to enforce a "no touching" rule and then Tori convinced me that I was being really controlling and I needed to let go. That's the Christmas spirit!

Beach in November

2010-12-06T19:37:00.000-08:00

Minus the snotty nose, I think this is a really cute picture of Skip!

Zadie trying to bury herself in the sand.

Skip loves to hold hands with Zadie when they're in their car seats and sometimes he can get her to cooperate. He's about to fall asleep here after a nice workout running all around the sand.

I know that L.A. has its detractors, but you can't beat going to the beach in November. Our summer weather this year was definitely subpar, but we had some great beach days in the fall. According to my camera, this was November 13th that we were enjoying this fine weather -- not bad!

I would have more beach photos to post, but most of them involve nudity and my sister tells me to watch out for weirdos on the internet.

Earning Her Glass of Wine

2010-11-04T20:19:00.000-07:00

Typically my mom likes to do her babysitting duties at her own house, which makes sense because she has a great house with a deck and a pool and, well, we live in a dump. And there are now five human beings squeezed into our little dump.

But this week I talked her into coming up here for a few days and I think she may never come back. We've had some freakish weather -- in the high 90s -- and our house doesn't have any air-conditioning or a good ventilation system. On top of all that, Skip knocked out one of the screens and so now we can't open one of our biggest windows or else one of the kids will drop out of it.

So my poor mother hasn't been literally sweating every single day and sleep-deprived and putting up with our very loud and chaotic household.

She has really and truly earned her glass of wine every evening. Thanks for all the help, Mom!

Halloween 2010

2010-11-04T20:13:00.001-07:00

Halloween 2010 was noticeably more challenging than Halloween 2009. I considered staying home with Charlie and letting Tori take the older two kids out trick-or-treating, but I really didn't want to miss the fun (and the candy) and so we met up with friends in Manhattan Beach and made it happen. It was good thing, too, because I don't think we could have managed the three of them on our own.

Before heading out to trick-or-treating, we stopped by the local Halloween fair and Zadie won third-place in the costume contest. She has now been the Tin Man two years running, so it's kind of like how my parents always dressed me up as a black cat every year (black leotard, with black stuff on my nose and cat ears -- very easy). Hopefully we'll be able to think of something new next year, but Tori really wanted to go with the Tin Man again.

And at the last minute we kind of threw together a family theme -- I was the scarecrow, Skip was the lion, Charlie was Toto (by virtue of being a small creature in a basket and for no other reason), and Tori was Dorothy (by virtue of her red shoes!).

Thank you, Grandma Linda

2010-11-04T20:02:00.001-07:00

I think Charlie looks very royal in this picture.

Linda with 3 of her 11 grandchildren!!

Wine and cheese and crackers with Linda and her brother Mike.

Linda and Zadie made cookies for our guests and Zadie very proudly served them.

Grandma Linda came down from Washington to provide two whole weeks of help. Before she arrived we were so overwhelmed (and Charlie was just getting out of the hospital) that I told Tori I hoped that Linda wasn't having visions of rollerskating on the strand -- we needed her undivided attention!

And we certainly got it. I would come home from work and Linda somehow had miraculously taken care of the kids all day (with Hank) and also done three loads of laundry, washed the dishes, picked up the house, etc. I was pretty amazed, but she reminded me that she's a mother of five, which makes our three look like small potatoes! She was also taking every third night of "Charlie duty" and so sleep-deprived on top of it all. I think she must have overdid it because then she got a little sick for a few days, but not before completing everything on her special projects list we created for her (re-pot a few plants, help Tori put up the new blinds, etc.).

And, as always, she did all of this with her characteristic pep and energy, so we are so thankful for her time here. And now she's in India at a retreat and hopefully sending some good energy our way. Thank you, Linda!

Cooking with Tori

2010-10-26T19:56:00.000-07:00

I find cooking very stressful. I don't enjoy doing it by myself or with others. Tori, thank goodness, loves to cook and for some reason thinks it's really fun to let Skip and Zadie help out. I can't imagine why, but they love to help their momma in the kitchen and I think they look really cute in their aprons. Zadie has a funny look on her face in these photos and is wearing a funny shirt that I bought for Skip in China.

What's Wrong With This Picture?

2010-10-26T19:53:00.001-07:00

Skip really loves to take baths. Tori was running a bath and trying to get Zadie from the other room and when she came back into the bathroom she saw Skipper sitting in the water with his full outfit on, including his socks and leather shoes. Pretty funny!

Charlie's First Month

2010-10-26T19:38:00.000-07:00

He's filling out in the cheeks!

Our rug matches Charlie's hair and his shirt.

Grandma Linda is here for two weeks to help us out -- much appreciated!

Zadie admiring her brand-new brother.

In the hospital to pick up Charlie, less than 24 hours after we got the surprise phone call!

Charlie turns five weeks old tomorrow (right?). Minus the big scare with the pyloric stenosis, Charlie is doing just great. He was so teensy tiny when we brought home and at first he had trouble gaining weight because he was vomiting, so now it's great to see him chug-a-lug. He weighed 6 lbs 6 oz at the time of his surgery and then exactly one week later he weighed 8 lbs 4 oz.

Although not nearly as beautiful as Kim's photos, here are some from Charlie's first month with the family. We love him and are so happy he's here -- even if he keeps us up at night!!

Charlie Gets Sick...and Then Better!

2010-10-16T14:26:00.000-07:00

I haven't been very good about blogging lately, partly because our lives have been busier but even more so because the space bar on our keyboard at home came off and it's pretty frustrating to write more than one sentence. But Tori brought out our old laptop and I wanted to update about some crazy stuff that has happened in the last week.

Charlie started vomiting about 80% of his feedings and ultimately the doctors decided that he had a condition called pyloric stenosis. Basically a stomach muscle got too thick and wasn't allowing the milk to go down to his intestines (or at least that's what I understood). So I left the house at 8:30am one day to take him to the doctor, who then sent me to an x-ray place, and then the next thing I knew I was driving him to the hospital for emergency surgery.

Luckily the surgery is pretty straight-forward and this won't be something that will ever bother him again. He's not vomiting any of his meals now and he's doing great. As the doctor pointed out, three-week-olds don't really use their stomach muscles so the recovery is pretty easy.

Having said all that, seeing your little baby with a tube down his nose and an IV in his hand is AWFUL. And he couldn't eat for the whole day prior to the surgery and then for six hours afterwards. I felt so badly for him. But he did really well and Tori and I took turns staying the night with him in the hospital and holding him in our arms all night long.

So it was a very scary experience, but the good news is that Charlie has been back home for a few days now and is doing great. Hooray for that!

Introducing...Charlie!

2010-10-03T20:20:00.001-07:00

After much discussion, we have settled upon a name. Charlie Wilson K. (I don't like to use my last name on the blog, but you all know it). Everyone in our family has the same middle and last name.

I like it. It's boyish and likeable, just like Skip. I think it will suit him nicely. Tori and Zadie still really love the name Ozzie, so that will continue as a nickname, too.

And although former Congressman Charlie Wilson is/was a little bit controversial, I think he's an intriguing character and I like that he's from East Texas! He also wrote my dad a letter when he got home from Vietnam.

And here are some more great photos of CHARLIE!!

A New Baby!

2010-10-02T20:28:00.000-07:00

I haven't updated this blog about some very important news. A county social worker called to let us know that Skip's birth mom had another baby and of course we said YES, we'd love to bring him home. We had told the social workers not to call us about any kids UNLESS Skip's mom had another baby.

We weren't expecting the phone call this soon and were totally unprepared, but I want this sweet child to know that the occasion of his birth caused great excitement and hooting and hollering! Despite having less than 24 hours to comply with the county's requests for us to buy a bassinet, a new bed for Zadie and to outfit our house with locks on the cupboard, we were anxious and excited to bring our new baby home!!

So this sweet child was born on September 20th and we picked him up at California Hospital downtown around noon on September 22nd. His birth parents named him Ryan Michael, but we are still working on our own name for him (there are a few names in the running). The nurses told us that his birth parents were very upset that they couldn't take him home, but the county would not allow it because of their past histories (I just want to be clear that he is very much wanted and cared for!).

This situation is a little more complicated than Skip's but we sincerely hope that we will be able to keep him forever. He is a very good baby and has a sweet disposition. So far I would say that he is the best baby of the three! He doesn't look much like Skip, but ironically I think he looks a bit like Zadie at the same age. He only weighed 5 lbs, 12 oz at birth, so he is still pretty tiny.

Zadie is very excited to have another little brother and Skip is very interested but not clear on what is happening. As for the moms, we are sleep-deprived and a little befuddled about how to make three kids under three work, but we are also very much in love with our new baby.

More information to come...thank you to Kim for the beautiful photos!

Skip's First Words

2010-09-11T20:12:00.000-07:00

Before I forget, I should announce that during a trip away Skip started saying his first two words. The first was "Mama" and then "ball." I'm working on him to learn "Mommy," but so far no luck and I remember it took Zadie a while to learn that.

I can't find any blog posts I wrote about Zadie's first words or when that happened. I think it must have been "mama," too.

Zadie Is Back in the Fold

2010-09-09T21:13:00.000-07:00

I guess I never exactly announced it on here, but we're home from China! We had a great trip and of course there is so much to say about that, but I don't know where to even begin.

So I'll write instead about coming home to see Zadie. We got home on Tuesday and on Wednesday Zadie was delivered home around noon. We were at work but we met up for lunch and had lots of hugs and kisses. We were very excited to see her and, although we Skyped with her a fair amount while we were away, we really missed her.

I could tell that she was happy to see us and Skip, but it was also obvious how hard it was for her to leave my parents' house. She broke down in tears a few times crying for my mom. I can't really blame her for that since I know she had a great time and she was sort of living in paradise and as an only child all that time. I would have had hard time, too.

Now she's back with us and adjusting to having a little brother who rips her puzzle out of her hands and likes to wrestle. And also to authority figures who aren't quite as permissive in the food and drink department. But we're trying to take it easy on her and I was proud of Tori for letting her have PB and J at lunch and strawberry lemonade -- and letting her eat her fruit first.

We missed you Zadie and are so excited to be reunited!

Zadie The Storyteller?

2010-09-08T20:38:00.000-07:00

When do kids start telling stories? I don't know what the typical age is for that, but I've never heard Zadie tell a story. That's why this story from my dad totally amused me. This is taken from a family email he wrote last week:

After dinner and after our night swim, we gathered around a big fire at the firepit. When it got dark Denise asked me to tell some stories. I thought of a good one and started "When I was a little boy at the ranch..." That's as far as I got before Zadie interrupted me and started to tell some doozies about when she and her brother and her Moms were at the ranch. She told stories about riding horses and a pig (yes, riding a pig). Before long Izzie interrupted Zadie and trumped her with even taller tales. The two of them got into a story telling competition. Half the time they were both talking at the same time. I felt like I was sitting by a campfire listening to Clay Wyatt talk [family member notorious for talking up a storm]. I couldn't have been prouder. Denise and I laughed till we cried. Sophie is a listener. After my opening sentence I was too. No one alive could compete with Izzie and Zadie's stories last night. When we put them to beg they were still talking a blue streak (just like Clay).

And here's one more story my mom sent me a few days ago:

Today we went shopping and she got a new pair of shoes, a "Hello Kitty" t-shirt that she couldn't live w/o (because it had sparkles on it), and butterfly wings that she "needed". When we got home, she put on the butterfly wings and asked if she could fly now. I said she would have to try. So she ran around the yard flapping her wings trying hard to fly. She didn't get off the ground, but it wasn't from a lack of trying. She thinks the wings are great and she is napping with them on as I type this. She also got 2 pairs of new shoes and wanted to sleep in them. She asked me, "Do you ever sleep with your shoes on?" Her bed is crowded right now with her wings, sea turtle, a dog that was a gift from Auntie Kim, and a new outfit for Skip. For some reason she wanted to sleep with all of this.

Zadie & Granddaddy Hal

2010-08-29T20:54:00.000-07:00

This is Kim again, posting another entry during Kate's absence....my dad sent this family email out tonight and I thought Zadie would enjoy reading it many years down the road.

************************************************
Subject: Zadie Stuff that Tickles Me
1. I was carrying Zadie tonight and she said "I'm as tall as you." I said, "you're not as tall as me." She said "I'm almost as tall as you." I explained that she's only almost as tall as me when I'm carrying her. I then put her down on the ground and ask her if she still thought she was almost as tall as me. She said "yes" but she didn't say it with conviction.

2. I heard Zadie count to 12 today and I heard say all of her ABCs. At 2 years 7 months she's about 3.5 years ahead of where I was at that age.

3. When Kate was a kid she was obsessed with McDonalds. Every time we drove by one she begged then screamed for us to go in to Macs. It's pay back time. We've been taking Zadie to Macs every night for a hot fudge sundae. By the time Kate and Tori return Zadie will be a Mac addict. I'm wondering how Kate will deal with that.

4. When Tori's brother Hank met Denise is San Clemente to hand over Zadie at the beginning of this trip, Hank told Denise that Zadie doesn't take naps anymore. When Denise got home she called me to tell me that. We agreed "she still takes naps." And she does. She's been taking 2-3 hour naps each day. When she wakes up she finds 2 chocolate covered blueberries left by the Nap Fairy. She can't understand why the Night Time Fairy doesn't leave prizes like the Nap Fairy does. We just tell her that it's one of the great mysteries of life.

5. Zadie wanted to go swimming today but she stood by the pool refusing to go in until Izzie and Sophie came. Denise explained they won't be here for 5 more days. She is so excited about her cousins coming she can hardly stand it.

Hal

Zadie's San Diego Adventures

2010-08-28T14:38:00.001-07:00

This is Kate's sister, Kim, hacking into Kate's blog to post an email that our mom sent about Zadie. My mom is currently watching Zadie while Tori, Kate and Skip are traveling in China. I wonder who is having the most fun?!

From Denise:
We are having a good time here in Bonita with Zadie. Her swim class went well yesterday. I think she did everything Ben wanted her to do. I did hear her bossing him around a wee bit. She also talked him out of him a water ball that he uses for classes ~ and two plastic "treat" bracelets. The only bad thing that happened was she did a face plant on the cement when she tripped on her towel. It bled a little and is just a little swollen today. Right now we are on the deck playing with play dough. Ben should be here in about 30 min. After swimming we will go to Kids Playhouse and take our picnic lunch there. Then we will come home for naps.

The naptime fairy worked great yesterday! She slept for 1 1/2 hours. Last night she was eager to go to bed and when she woke this morning, she asked if the fairy came. I explained the fairy only came for nap time, so she wanted to go back to bed and take a nap. I could not convince her differently, so I put her back to bed. She stayed in there for about 10 mins. then wanted up. She didn't say anything else about the fairy. Of course I had to answer all her questions about why did the fairy only come at naptime; where was she; why was she at work, etc.

I want to go to the Children's museum and the zoo but haven't done so yet. I think today we will try to go to the park after naptime, but it may be too hot (I think it's supposed to be 100 today), so we may just swim. In the afternoon the pool is a huge attraction for the bees. They swarmed us yesterday afternoon and I was starting to get worried that she was going to get stung. Zadie doesn't seem to mind them at all.

I told her this morning that Mommy called last night. She listened as I updated her on the traveling parents and Skipper-doodle. I am keeping a picture out of you, Tori and Skip that Kim took at my birthday celebration in Coronado. She also is enjoying looking at some photo books.

She's busy with the play dough and now has mixed all the colors together. Hmmm, I guess I'll just let her have fun with it all. Okay, now she's making a huge mess on the deck. Gotta jam!

Love you all,
Mom

Report from China

2010-08-27T20:59:00.001-07:00

We've been in China a little over two weeks now and we're having a great trip. We're now in Xichang, which is the community where I lived for two years as a Peace Corps volunteer. I could go on and on about the changes here (good and sad), but I want to write about Skip's experience in China.

Skip is loved and adored by the Chinese people. When I think back on it, I don't recall ever seeing a foreign baby during all my time in China, so I guess I can understand why he creates such a stir (hopefully that doesn't mean we're the only parents stupid enough to bring their baby to China!).

Everywhere we go people stop us and want to play with him. We hear "hao guai!" all around us -- that means "how cute." People are also always commenting on what beautiful eyes he has. And people often come up to him and give him candy, fruit, and sometimes other food items that he can't really eat (like a duck bone someone wanted him to chew on).

The best part is going out to restaurants with him. Taking our kids to restaurants in the States is the worst because you can't really enjoy your meal since you're trying to manage the kids and of course you don't want to horrify the other customers with your children's behavior. But here in China we let Skip loose and soon there are two or three waitresses taking care of him. They tell us to enjoy our meal and they take him around, introduce him to other children, and love playing with him. I would pay top dollar to have this kind of service in America!! It also helps that most Chinese restaurants are terribly overstaffed and so the waitresses don't have more important things to do anyway. And we don't have to worry about his safety since they are completely overprotective of him and basically won't let him walk around without holding on to his arm.

The only time that I think the Chinese people didn't love Skip so much was on the overnight train to Xichang. Skip woke up every time the train stopped, which was pretty often and he cried pretty loudly. I'm the worst about worrying about bothering people (it causes me great stress, just like my sister), but since all the people around us we're snoring so loudly hopefully people weren't too upset. But the result of that experience is that I bought a plane ticket for Tori and Skip to fly back to Chengdu, which I've never done before. But the train trip was so exhausting with Skip that Tori actually got strep throat from lack of sleep.

That's the update from China!

Signing Off (for now)...

2010-08-09T20:50:00.000-07:00

I'm signing off for now because my flight leaves in a few hours and I've heard that I won't be able to access Blogspot in China. I've been really excited about my China trip because I haven't been back in four years and going to China, seeing friends, eating Chinese food, and practicing my Chinese are some of my very favorite things in life. But all of the sudden I'm starting to have a little bit of anxiety about my trip and, as my friend Erin would say, I'm starting to do some "stinkin' thinkin'."

This is one of the many ways that I've really changed since having children -- and I don't think it's for the better! Whereas I used to be a footloose and fancy free person who didn't even comprehend the word "anxiety," now suddenly I'm second-guessing our decision to leave Zadie at home, feeling super sad about not seeing her for a month, and running through every possible worst-case scenario. Who am I?! I got totally weepy saying good night to Zadie tonight (not that she noticed). I know it's crazy because she'll have a great time with her two grandmas, but I think it's all compounded by the fact that leaving your child behind for a month is not a super mainstream, traditional thing to do. That doesn't help with the second-guessing!

Anyway, I think the best thing to do is to march forward and try to enjoy every moment of the trip and stop thinking about my plane crashing (which, by the way, I never thought about for one second prior to having children!!). All week long I've actually been giddy and excited about my 16-hour plane ride because that means 16 hours of free time to do whatever I want. Yeehaw!

Okay, really signing off now.

Preparing for Big Trip

2010-08-07T08:14:00.000-07:00

I'm really excited about going to China in a few days, but also getting sad about saying goodbye to Zadie. I'll be in China for four weeks and Tori and Skip will come for three weeks. Zadie, on the other hand, will stay with Grandma Linda for a week and Grandma Denise for two weeks. I know that Zadie will have a great time with her grandmas and won't really miss us, but we'll definitely miss her!

Zadie, in case you're reading this many years later and want to know why we chose to take Skip and not you, it's for a number of reasons. We wish we could have taken the whole family, but I think that would have been really difficult to manage, especially because a lot happens in China from 7-10pm (outdoor barbecue!) and we didn't want to be stuck at home with our sleeping children. We figure we can put Skip to sleep on our chest and take him with us. Also, we thought Skip was going to be free since he's under two years old -- but it turns out that on international flights you have to pay a certain percentage for infants, so he's not entirely free. Lastly, you are used to going to the park everyday and having lots of wide open spaces to run in, which there just aren't a lot of in China. I think you'll have way more fun with your grandmas. Just wanted to put this all out there in case you wonder later on. We look forward to going on future trips with you, that's for sure.

We've really tried to raise Zadie so that she would be comfortable spending time with others when we're not there, and I think we've definitely succeeded in that respect! Sometimes I wish she would be a little bit more sad when she left us, but overall I'm glad that she's more independent than that. Skip is a little less independent at this point, but I think that's because we didn't remember to work as hard on getting him used to being with other people (sorry, second child!). He is particularly attached to Tori. Then again, when he's gone to my parents house for the weekend I don't think he misses us for one second.

So the point of this post was really to say that I'm getting sad about saying goodbye to Zadie. Maybe since I'm going to be saying goodbye, I suddenly think she's in a way cuter phase lately. She's OBSESSED with playing hide and go seek and she's really funny about it. Some of her favorite hiding spots include hiding under the couch with half of her body hanging out. And I typically have to cough in order to have her find me because she's not the best looker. But she plays with relish! I'm also really enjoying spending time with her because she speaks in full sentences and cracks me up. Lately she's been telling me, "That's not polite, Mommy" or "People don't like to be tickled, Mommy." Funny!